


동쪽의 충돌 (Clash of the East)

by Vai_should_be_quiet



Series: 동쪽의 충돌 (Clash of the East) [2]
Category: B.A.P, Block B, Dreamcatcher (Korea Band), EXO (Band), GOT7, NCT (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), SONAMOO (Band), TRCNG (Band), VIXX
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Complex relationships, Mafia AU, Multi, Non Idol AU, Out of Character, Platonic Relationships, Plot Twists, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Slow Romance, a lot of backstabbing, a lot of drama, at times - Freeform, but i won't untag anything so don't ask, complex characters, good cars, idk what im doing with the plot, not all of these characters are main, overcomplicated plot, tf am i even doing, trigger warnings will be stated in the notes ahead of every chapter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-11-17
Packaged: 2019-05-14 11:51:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 28,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14769077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vai_should_be_quiet/pseuds/Vai_should_be_quiet
Summary: "You watched too many dramas as a child, Youngjae. The world doesn't work like that - you catch the bad guys, put them in prison and they never bother you again. In the real world, your so called bad guys might not be all that bad, and the good guys might not be doing their job correctly."*Youngjae's life was finally taking a turn. He had a girlfriend, a high position at the workplace, plans for the future. More importantly, he had a purpose which he thought he was fulfilling diligently. He was finally forgetting the events from three years ago.Until he received a phone call from an old friend and realized that he truly had been naive. In real life, when you screw over one of the biggest crime syndicates in South Korea, they come after you.





	1. Prologue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for this chapter.

It was a sunny afternoon.

Walking out of the Seoul Detention Center didn't feel particularly liberating, since Yongguk knew he was walking out of one trap into the other.

But at least it was a trap within which he had his own freedom and a chance of regaining control.

Yongguk squinted in the sun, looking around. He didn't exactly expect a welcoming party, but his friends were supposed to be there.

Unfortunately so, across the street he spotted a Rolls Royce Phantom VIII, which meant trouble.

It was not a suiting car for someone who was trying to keep a low profile. It was over-the-top, ridiculously expensive and way too loud – much like its owner.

Jaehwan got out of the car and crossed the street. He threw a glance at the building behind Yongguk, then flashed the older a bright smile.

“Long time no see,” Jaehwan said, opening his arms.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Yongguk asked, keeping his arms crossed.

Jaehwan grimaced and put his hands in the pockets of his neatly ironed jacket. “Right, I suppose you didn’t expect to see me. I’m afraid your friends got the times mixed up—“

Lies. The only reason Yongguk’s friends weren’t here on time was because Jaehwan’s group had messed something up, Yongguk was sure of it.

After all, the Nowon-gu Faction was always meddling with others’ business.

“—but they’ll be here soon enough. In the meantime, I’m here on N’s behalf—“

“Of course you are,” Yongguk mumbled.

“—to congratulate you. N sends his regards and…” Jaehwan pretended to think hard about it. “What was the other thing…? Oh right!” He took off his sunglasses and gave Yongguk a falsely sympathetic look. “Bailing you out was a friendly gesture, of course—“

Yongguk raised his eyebrow, “Of course,” he said sarcastically.

“—but it would be wonderful if we could rely on the Dobong-gu Faction to return the favour some day, should we need it.”

Yongguk made no effort to appear friendly. He had been expecting this and was not happy about it.

It was exactly why he hadn’t wanted to accept Nowon-gu Faction’s help in the first place. Those bastards always expected something in return, be it money or a “favour”. Yongguk didn’t know which one was worse.

However he was in no position to complain. Had it not been for them, Yongguk and his group would still be rotting away in a cell.

“Of course you can count on us,” he said flatly. “Anything for our old friends.”

“That’s the spirit!” Jaehwan said cheerfully as if he couldn’t hear the clear cynicism in Yongguk’s voice. “Listen, I gotta run, but I’ll see you around,” Jaehwan said and patted Yongguk’s shoulder.

He did not react. “Hopefully not,” he retorted.

Jaehwan smiled and put his sunglasses back on.

Watching him cross the street back to his car, Yongguk tried to restrain himself from saying something he might regret. But he couldn’t help it, he was way too pissed off by the entire situation.

“Jaehwan!”

The younger turned around, halfway in the car already.

“Tell N to go fuck himself,” Yongguk shouted.

Jaehwan grinned. “That’s someone else’s job though!” He got in and drove off, leaving a small cloud of dust behind himself.

Yongguk cracked his knuckles, watching behind the Rolls Royce Phantom VIII.

Soon enough a different car appeared in his line of vision, one he was much happier to see. When it stopped, four people emerged from it. Two immediately ran his way and for a second Yongguk was scared that he’d be knocked over.

Not without an impact, Yongguk found himself in the dual embrace of Junhong and Daehyun, but thankfully still on his feet.

Likely feeling second-hand embarrassment for the two, Himchan and Jongup took their time making their way over.

“I swear if you don’t stop acting like children I’ll pretend I don’t know you in public,” Jongup said, shooting judgmental looks at Daehyun and Junhong.

Daehyun didn’t respond verbally and instead stuck out his tongue.

Jongup rolled his eyes. “You are only proving my point! A god damn child…”

“So you’re not happy to see me?” Yongguk asked, carefully wriggling out of the grasp of the two more energetic members.

Jongup’s gaze immediately softened. “Of course I am.”

Himchan coughed to get the others’ attention. “This is very touching, but I think there are better places to catch up.”

Finally reunited as they were, the five of them looked up at the Seoul Detention Center, the place where they’d spent the past two years of their lives. More or less, since their _friends_ from the Nowon-gu Faction were able to get them out one by one.

It felt sort of defiant to be standing there as free men when they had all been promised a life-long sentence.

“Let’s go home,” Yongguk said tiredly.

He spent most of the ride in silence. There was chatting in the back from the three younger ones; Daehyun and Junhong teasing Jongup for the most part.

But Himchan was reluctant to speak. He’d sensed it, Yongguk was in deep thought, however Himchan couldn’t even hope to guess what the older was thinking about.

Unlike what could be expected, Yongguk wasn’t worried about their comeback. Himchan had been the first one out, and he had been the one to take on the burden of reestablishing their rule in the north. He hadn’t been able to do it all by himself, but he had had help. Still, he had suffered the most and Yongguk would forever be grateful for it.

But that wasn’t on Yongguk’s mind at the moment.

Himchan was almost afraid to ask.

“Hyung?” He said at some point, keeping his gaze on the road.

Yongguk kept staring out the window.

“Are you okay?” Himchan spoke again.

“Just thinking,” Yongguk muttered, tracing the window frame.

“What about?”

Just as Himchan had been reluctant to ask, Yongguk was reluctant to answer.

They weren’t just coworkers, they were friends, and some of them more than that. Yongguk knew he could trust them, that wasn’t the problem. The problem was that he didn’t want to seem selfish or like he didn’t care about the wellbeing of the group.

Even though his intentions _were_ selfish. He could try to hide it but there was no point in doing so.

“Just… Thinking about the first thing I have to do now that I’m out,” he said at last.

“And what’s that?” Himchan asked, fearing the answer.

A pause.

_“Find Yoo Youngjae.”_


	2. Dive In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The voice was familiar. It made chills run down his spine, yet he couldn’t quite place who it belonged to. It was someone he never wanted to hear from again, someone he’d though was gone; that was all he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: mentions and descriptions (?) of panic attacks, blood

 “I’ve never really liked this movie,” Yoonsun said, shifting a bit.

“What do you – move, my arm’s asleep – what do you mean by that?” Youngjae asked, letting out an exaggerated whine when Yoonsun accidentally elbowed him.

“I mean that it’s just not as good as the critics say. Sure it’s got its moments, and it’s beautifully made, but I just feel it’s a bit redundant. Just like The Force Awakens.”

“It’s also not as bad as the reviews say,” Youngjae noted, then nudged her. “Okay, shut up. The Force Awakens gives us a whole new perspective and so does The Last Jedi. Why do you have to be so judgmental?”

Yoonsun nudged him back, “It is not being _judgmental_ , it’s called _critical thinking_. And you just don’t want to admit Luke’s death was stupid.”

“It was _emotional_!” Youngjae defended, returning the nudge yet again.

“It was clumsily executed and unmotivated! You’re just overly emotional!” Yoonsun argued, not leaving the nudge unreturned.

“Oh you’re going down!” The nudging as well as this comment lead to a full on fight to the death, better known by its other name – pillow fight.

Youngjae was on top at first. Yoonsun wasn’t difficult to overpower, however she had a secret weapon – the power of giggles. Her laughter was so beautiful and enchanting that Youngjae was smitten – just like every time he heard it, no matter how many times he heard it. This is how she gained the upper hand.

“I win!” She declared, sitting on his chest.

“It’s not over yet,” he said and pushed her off, then wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “You’re mine now~”

She tried to wriggle out of his grasp, but she was smiling brightly. “Nooo! You always do this!”

Youngjae chuckled and kissed her cheek. “Silly, now we have to rewind…” He complained, reaching for the remote.

In that moment his phone rang. Youngjae frowned at the blocked number on the screen. He grabbed for it but Yoonsun was faster.

“Oh, someone’s trying to prank you,” she said, trying to press the ‘decline’ button.

“Yah, let me answer! Maybe it’s important!” Youngjae grabbed the phone from her and stood up. “Hello?” He said, pressing the phone to his ear. He kept his free hand on Yoonsun’s shoulder, keeping her at an arm’s length. She pretended to be struggling to grab the phone, and eventually gave up, sitting back down on the couch.

_“Youngjae, hello.”_

The voice was familiar. It made chills run down his spine, yet he couldn’t quite place who it belonged to. It was someone he never wanted to hear from again, someone he’d though was gone; that was all he knew.

“Who is this…?”

 _“I suppose it’s been a while,”_ the voice answered gently. _“It’s Yongguk. Bang Yongguk.”_

Instantly all blood froze in Youngjae’s veins. Eyes going wide, he stiffly sat back on the couch, his heartbeat echoing in his ears. It felt like slipping into another reality, one where his heartbeat and breathing were far more loud than the movie playing or the sound of Yoonsun’s voice, asking him what was wrong and if he was okay. One where the only thing that mattered, the only thought in his mind was that name. The name he’d hoped never to encounter again.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispered to Yoonsun, standing up and walking to the balcony.

_“I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”_

Youngjae gripped at the railing, his whole body shaking. He took a few deep breaths, trying to find his voice.

“Oh, no. No, I was just watching Star Wars, that’s all,” he said, attempting to sound casual. “Bang Yongguk, huh. Now that’s a name I haven’t heard in a while. How’ve you been these days? You get private calls in the Detention Center now?” It may have been risky to taunt like this, but Youngjae wasn’t exactly thinking before speaking. He was out of his mind.

Yongguk didn’t react the way Youngjae had expected. Three years later and he still managed to surprise him.

Yongguk actually laughed. _“Oh, no, I’m not in the Detention Center. None of us are. Haven’t you heard?”_

If Youngjae had been terrified before, this was enough to make his heart stop. “ _What_?”

_“They let us go. Seriously, how is it that you weren’t informed? Wasn’t it your case?”_

“Not the investigation,” Youngjae said breathlessly.

_“Right. Silly me. Yours was the infiltration, right? How could I have forgotten…”_

“What do you want?” He asked icily.

_“To catch up. I was wondering how you are… See, I don’t want us to be the bitter pair. I don’t like those people who completely change once they break up.”_

“We haven’t officially broken up though,” Youngjae said and regretted it the moment the sentence left his mouth.

Yongguk laughed again and it was sickening how Youngjae could imagine it to detail, his gummy smile and crescent eyes and—what was he thinking!?

_“I suppose not. But I figured waving that police badge in my face was indication enough?”_

“I mean it never would have worked,” Youngjae said sarcastically. “With you serving your sentence and me being a cop. How did you get out anyway?”

 _“Youngjae, don’t be an idiot. I’m not just going to tell you. I’ll blow your brains out before you get your hands on that information.”_ He said it casually, as if inquiring about the weather.

Youngjae felt a sting in his gut; he knew that Yongguk was serious. “It was worth a shot,” he answered, hoping that he sounded just as relaxed as Yongguk. “So what exactly is it that you want from me Yongguk?”

_“Just to talk. How have you been? How’s your girlfriend?”_

Youngjae’s knees buckled, almost giving out. How much did Yongguk know, exactly? Then again, he should have expected it. Yongguk was calculating, he wouldn’t have called without all of his facts straight.

But how did he know? How long had they been out anyway?

Youngjae’s heartrate increased so much he thought his ribcage would burst. It was a sudden change considering the fact that it had almost stopped moments ago.

“Oh, yeah, no she’s fine, we’re fine…” He stuttered out, hardly able to keep his composure at that point.

 _“No reason for anxiety. I really do just want to talk,”_ Yongguk spoke gently. It was the voice he used to help people calm down and it somehow always worked. Except for now, that is. _“I know I’m not the type of ex you want to introduce to your new partner, so don’t worry. You two are safe.”_

“That is bullshit and you know it,” Youngjae hissed, rage surfacing among the paralyzing fear. “You wouldn’t have called unless you wanted something. To threaten me maybe. So just spit it out and make things easier.”

_“But why would I make things easy for you, Youngjae? You haven’t made things any easier for me. I just wanted to catch up. But don’t worry, we’ll see each other sometime soon, we’ll have more time to talk. Until then… Have fun on your date.”_

Three beeps and static.

So, that’s why Yongguk had called. Not to threaten, but to give a promise.

When Youngjae went back in the living room he must have looked horrible since Yoonsun immediately stood and walked over, a worried expression on her face.

“Youngjae? Who the hell was that? You’re pale…” She took the phone from his hand and put it aside, then took his hands in her own.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” he kept whispering helplessly.

Yoonsun didn’t understand, but she did her best to console him. She laced her fingers in Youngjae’s hair and held him, sighing softly. “It’s going to be okay…”

* * *

Lately Youngjae had been distant. He couldn’t focus on anything, often staring into the distance. He was more jumpy and cautious, stayed home much more often and just seemed terribly anxious.

Yoonsun was doing her best to help out, but she didn’t understand much of what was going on. Youngjae had not lied to her. He had told her about three years ago, openly, not hiding anything.

Well, almost anything.

Because there were things Youngjae had been hiding not only from her, or from his colleagues, but from himself as well.

Those things were now resurfacing and becoming difficult to deny, still Youngjae was persistent. Denial was his specialty.

However, even with everything Youngjae had told her, Yoonsun simply wasn’t able to quite connect because of the simple fact that she hadn’t been there. She only knew that Youngjae was hurt and that he’d been getting worse ever since the phone call. That was all she really needed to know to try and help.

Youngjae was constantly switching between rage, fear, despair and, although more rarely than the other three, regret.

The promise was the problem.

It had been three months and no sighting of the Dobong-gu Faction. It kept him on pins and needles at all times, often giving him panic attacks for seemingly no reasons.

A flashback could come over him in the worst times and suddenly he wouldn’t be able to breathe, he’d start hyperventilating and thereby making everything worse, his vision would blur with tears and he’d get absolutely petrified. And he wouldn’t be able to get the images out of his mind, most of which would in some other scenario be quite pleasant.

The constant caution mixed with frequent panic attacks were exhausting.

What was even more exhausting were the meetings of his old team that had been on the Dobong-gu Faction case. Their getaway hadn’t gone unnoticed and the team now wanted to get to the bottom of it. Youngjae did also, but he truly did not have the nerves for it.

Most of the time he wasn’t even listening.

Just talking about the five men brought back memories and Youngjae would get lost.

He had tried to prevent it, he really had. He had set some rules before he’d even gone undercover because he had known how involved he would have to get to gain the needed information.

The most useful rule was not to view the members as a group of people, but a task; not to view them as individuals, but names on their records.

The most useful and the most important and the first rule he had broken.

He had seen it as soon as he had gotten amongst their ranks. He had known that he would have to get close to the five men in the center of the organization in order to take them down. Later he’d learned that he would have to get close to two men in particular: Bang Yongguk and Kim Himchan.

With Himchan it had been easier. Himchan may have been cautious and calculating, always worrying about the safety of the group and their subordinates, but he had a soft spot for family. This Youngjae had taken advantage of most vulgarly. He’d gotten under Himchan’s skin and soon there was nothing that could be hidden from him.

Then there was Yongguk. Himchan and him were somewhat of co-leaders, even though Yongguk was the boss. They grounded each other, gave council to each other and made most decisions together. Youngjae had realized that even if he had had Himchan on his side, he wouldn’t get very far without Yongguk as well.

But Yongguk was much tougher to crack. And this was when Youngjae had made a fatal mistake. Lead by his goal, he had done the one thing one must never do when undercover; he had stopped acting. He had started revealing himself bit by bit to Yongguk in hopes of tearing down his walls. Granted, it had worked, but in doing so Youngjae had given away too much. He had also done another potentially fatal thing; he had gotten attached.

Daehyun was the cheerful one with whom Youngjae had shared a friendly rivalry. He was the one who would most generously show hospitality, but stab you in your sleep if needed. Youngjae had known how to deal with such a person and they’d created a relationship based on their rivalry, but also mutual understanding and the fact that they made a great team – even though they did somewhat keep their distance, both for their own reasons.

Junhong was the easiest. The youngest, the most naïve. He was the first “friend” Youngjae had made in the Faction, one who would ultimately lead him up the ladder and all the way to Yongguk himself. Junhong was kind, patient and compassionate; Youngjae and him had simply clicked.

Which leaves the person Youngjae had never truly been able to figure out. Then again, skepticism and lack of trust were a part of Jongup’s personality. They had had their moments, of course, not even Jongup was resistant to Youngjae’s charm, however Jongup was the first one to draw a gun at him.

When the five had been arrested, Youngjae had relaxed. He had thought that he would never again have to worry about the case, about having given too much of himself to those people. Even though it had nagged him a bit, he had soon found ways to distract himself, move on and get better.

Now, it was all coming back in the form of an avalanche.

“ _Youngjae_!”

Youngjae winced and looked up at Sumin. With her hands on her hips, she was tapping her foot and glaring at him. “If you need a nap, go home,” she said sharply.

“Could I?” Youngjae asked, straightening up.

Maybe the other two would have cracked a chuckle if they weren’t too busy looking at him worriedly.

Sumin was known to be strict as a supervisor, but she and Youngjae were friends in private life as well. She knew how bad he was at that point. Her gaze softened a fraction. “Go take a walk, but be back quickly. We need you, okay?”

He nodded stiffly and stood up. He took a walk to the washroom, though he didn’t do much there aside from washing his face and staring at the mirror.

The four of them were currently discussing the Gasan-dong incident from a couple of years ago. Up until then the Dobong-gu Faction and its five leaders had been more or less ghosts. There was nothing that could connect the crimes in the area to a single organization and the leaders’ identities had been unknown. But the incident had put them on radar – how could it not? A bomb had gone off causing great devastation to the surroundings, not killing anyone as it was mostly an inhabited area but injuring many.

From then on many mostly anonymous donors had given money for the repairs, but as compassionate as that was of the Faction, it had also helped the police locate them. Their identities had been confirmed and then it was Youngjae’s turn.

The discussion was about “ _how in the hell_ could they have gone out so easily when the involvement in the Gasan-dong incident alone could have given them a death sentence,” in Sumin’s words.

They were suspected to have done much more during their reign, most of which was now labeled under “not enough evidence” or “no witnesses”.

There was no hearing. They hadn’t admitted to anything. It was supposed to be a whole process, seeing which cases were legitimate enough for them to be convicted of. But the Gasan-dong incident had simply been brushed off and they were allowed to go home.

Sumin suspected it being corruption and involvement of someone from the outside. It was likely and they were trying to figure it out.

But Youngjae was hardly present, mentally. He was terrified and nervous, waiting for the moment when his life would take a wild turn.

Because that must have been what Yongguk was planning. He was furious enough not to just kill Youngjae and leave it at that.

When he went back, he tried to pay more attention and get more involved in the discussion, but as Minjae was stating her findings, he drifted off again.

Sumin ended the meeting with not even half a step ahead from where they had been the day before.

Youngjae just wanted to get home and try to get some rest. Yoonsun worked at the pharmacy and was able to find him some medication for sleep – knowing that she would be able to personally make sure he wasn’t misusing it. For a month he had been unable to sleep before she said that she would help out in a way that she really shouldn’t.

Eunae approached him in the parking lot. She was smiling, but she couldn’t hide the concern in her eyes.

It infuriated Youngjae to be the subject of everyone’s pity and worry.

“Hey. Do you need a ride?”

Youngjae shook his head. “It’s okay, I’ve got it.”

“I’m not so sure about that, oppa… You don’t look well. Please let me take you home and Yoonsun can drive you here tomorrow. I’d like to make sure you come home safely,” she spoke gently.

Youngjae scrunched up his nose. He didn’t like it, he didn’t like the fact that everyone suddenly felt the need to take care of him. If he was being honest he much more appreciated Sumin yelling at him as she always would than everyone else who treated him like a charity case.

Still, she was right. He truly wasn’t feeling well and he was exhausted. He also knew that Yoonsun would appreciate it, she would be delighted to see Youngjae taking care of himself for a change.

“Fine…” He muttered.

 

“I know this is a difficult situation,” Eunae said at a red light. “I can’t even imagine how much, for you. But I feel like there’s something you’re not telling us.”

“There are a lot of things I’m not telling you,” he said jokingly, flashing the evil yet lighthearted smile of his that everyone knew so well, in hopes of throwing her off.

Eunae smiled back, but she didn’t fall for it. The traffic light changed and she looked ahead as she resumed driving. “I bet it is so. But I’m afraid that’s not what I meant.”

“Eunae… If it was going to help the case I would have told you. I want it to be solved just as much as you, but this…”

“Okay forget the case for a second,” she cut in. “I’m worried about _you_ , not the case. Something’s eating you away from the inside and you’ll only suffer more if you don’t share it with anyone. If you don’t want to tell me at least talk to Yoonsun or Minjae.”

“You’re my best friend though,” he said. “I’d tell you – and Yoonsun – first.”

Eunae smiled, though she still pushed the subject. “Well then? What is it?”

Youngjae sighed, giving up. “Well… The thing is. This whole thing about Dobong-gu Faction getting out. I found out a bit earlier than—”

Suddenly Eunae lost control of the car. She slammed on the breaks and they swerved, rotating a good sixty degrees before coming to a stop, Youngjae almost banging his head on the dashboard.

“What the fuck?” He said.

They exchanged looks and got out of the car.

“Flat tire,” Eunae announced, as it was on her side.

Youngjae went around the car and kneeled by Eunae, illuminating the tire with his phone.

“Yeah, but… It almost looks like it was…”

“Shot,” they said at the same time.

Youngjae hardly heard the sound of the gunshot. Not even a second later a bullet came his way, but missed him and went straight through Eunae’s head.

It happened so fast that he didn’t have the time to react other than staring helplessly, Eunae’s body falling forward against the car that was splattered with her own blood.

Youngjae felt his breathing growing heavier. He stood up, stepping back. He wasn’t planning on running away and leaving her, however the sight as well as the smell were too overwhelming.

Whatever his plans may or may not have been, they were foiled quickly. As he stepped back he hit a barrier, a person standing behind him. They took him by the shoulders and pushed him against the nearest wall.

Youngjae found himself staring at the narrow eyes and sly smile of none other than Moon Jongup.

“Hey there, hyung. Long time no see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is more than welcome! Tell me what you think will happen next, what are your impressions?  
> Also, how about we play a game? I'll do my best to name every chapter after a song. Although it may not work every time, whenever it _is_ a song title, I'll let you know who the performer is and you can tell me which lyrics you think fit best with the chapter/story.  
>  This time it's Dive In by Pierce The Veil; and go!!  
> Interactions and questions are also welcome on my tumblr @vai-should-be-quiet


	3. Do Me A Favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yongguk was standing by the window and staring ahead. He seemed to be gazing at the landscape, but Youngjae knew that he could probably see only as far as the traffic light right outside the house. Yongguk was thinking, and when he was deep in thought, he didn't see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for this chapter.

“I’ve been waiting for this,” Jongup hissed.

Perhaps Youngjae had missed the moment – it was likely, seeing as his mind was in a state of panic – but Jongup’s favourite switch blade had miraculously materialized in his hand.

This might have been what set Youngjae off, suddenly snapping him back to reality. His instincts kicked in and he did the first thing that came to mind – he brought his knee up with as much force as he could muster. The way he was being held up against the wall didn’t allow him much space to maneuver, therefore he didn’t have a start on the kick, so he had to do it twice.

But it was the element of surprise that did it. Because Youngjae’s awakening had come so suddenly that Jongup fell victim to the kick, even though it was the oldest trick in the book. The younger let out a surprised, yet pained yell and stumbled backward, however not dropping his knife.

Youngjae scrambled to his feet and tried running away. It seemed possible, for a split second he thought he’d outrun Jongup, but he did not get very far. Not even six steps away, he was grabbed again, arm twisted behind his back and shoved against the very same wall, only a bit farther.

Youngjae’s head was turned to the side, cheek pressed against the façade; that way he could see Jongup, bent over, cussing loudly about his crotch pain. It meant that it was someone else who was holding him down.

“Calm down, Youngjae. Let’s end this quickly.” Daehyun’s voice.

This only fueled Youngjae’s rage. He growled and started violently struggling against Daehyun’s grip, giving him some trouble in holding him down. Youngjae knew it was hopeless, but he was not going to go down without a fight.

Jongup didn’t stay in his state for too long. Soon enough he was making his way over, even more furious than before.

“I’ll rearrange your organs,” Jongup hissed.

Youngjae’s bravery abandoned him in an instant upon meeting Jongup’s gaze. His struggling weakened, although his wish to escape was greater. But before Jongup got to him, Daehyun moved quickly and his elbow collided with Youngjae’s temple.

Everything went black.

* * *

Youngjae woke up gradually without a full grasp on his senses. His head was buzzing and his sense of hearing was taken away temporarily. Under his fingers and head he felt a soft yet rough surface. It was a mattress of some sort, but he couldn’t see since his eyes currently weren’t cooperating; he couldn’t even open them. The next thing he picked up on was the smell. It was a rotten scent of blood, rusted metal and dirty laundry.

And then, when his eyes decided to work, he was met with a sight that was unfortunately familiar, however it was a perspective he was not used to.

He knew exactly where he was.

Most of the members had their own luxurious homes, however they mostly didn’t use them. Youngjae knew for a fact that Yongguk owned an unassuming, cozy little house in the suburbs. He knew that Daehyun had a penthouse in the center and that Jongup had an apartment, although Youngjae wasn’t sure where.

As far as he knew, Daehyun only used his ridiculously large and expensive apartment for hookups, while Jongup’s apartment was mostly used for Junhong and him to take a break and be alone. As for Yongguk, his house was a safe space he went to only when things were really bad for him, which was ironic.

Youngjae was currently in none of those places.

He was in the group’s shared residence. A mansion in Dobong-gu where the group resided most of the time, especially when there was work to attend to.

Youngjae was in the mansion’s basement.

He knew from experience that it was rarely used, aside from when the gang had someone important to keep confined.

He’d never thought that he would be the one held, though. He had been extremely careful not to let it happen.

Lying in the darkness, tears forming in his eyes Youngjae realized that he should have seen it coming. He had gotten in too deep. But even so he’d somehow trusted that he’d be safe. He had had trust in justice and law, but both had failed him. Had things been done correctly, all five men would have been in prison and he would be free, at home with his girlfriend.

He shook his head and spat on the ground, trying to get the bitter taste of iron out of his mouth.

His wrists were bound behind his back, giving his shoulders and back an uncomfortable ache.

The longer he was awake, the more frustrated he was. Soon frustration turned into rage and strangled sobs escaped his lips. He started kicking around, not sure what exactly he was trying to hit but he needed to hit something. Someone. Bang Yongguk. Or Jongup. Daehyun would do. But mostly Yongguk.

He had no concept of time down there. The basement didn’t have a single window, not even the small kind that’s usually located right under the ceiling. There was nothing in the basement aside from an old, smashed wooden cabinet and a squeaky chair.

Youngjae had no idea how much time passed before he’d finally stopped crying, although he still had the same urge to punch someone.

He must have been lucky.

God knows how many hours later, the door creaked open, faint light pooling into the room and making Youngjae squint. He couldn’t see who it was at first, as they were only a silhouette at the top of the stairs. Soon they moved into Youngjae’s line of vision and his face contorted with rage.

He took a deep breath and yelled out a series of insults, the worst that crossed his mind. The previous crying and the fact that he hadn’t spoken to anyone in who knows how long made his voice low and a bit weak and raspy, but Youngjae had always been good at screaming.

Daehyun only had a sad expression on as he dragged the chair over and sat near the mattress Youngjae was on.

When he was done screaming, Daehyun gave a small nod and said, “I deserve that.”

“ _You killed her! She had nothing to do with this, with any of you! You killed her!_ ” Youngjae kept going.

The most infuriating thing was that Daehyun seemed genuinely regretful. He dropped his head, elbows rested on his knees.

“I’m sorry, Youngjae. Jongup and I were given orders. I tried talking him out of it, we could have found another chance, but… He’d already shot.”

“You are not sorry,” Youngjae hissed. “Don’t pretend.”

“Yongguk didn’t want it to happen that way either. Jongup will suffer the consequences.”

This sentence contained so much bullshit that it almost made Youngjae lose his mind. He suddenly moved forward – maybe a weak attempt to attack Daehyun – but all it did was make him sit up. However with his hands bound and his head spinning, Youngjae wasn’t much of a threat.

“ _What_ consequences, Daehyun!? There are no consequences for you fuckers!” He shook his head, closing his eyes. “I’m going to kill you all. And if you heathens have anyone you hold dear – I’ll kill them too.”

Daehyun sighed, leaning back in the creaky chair. “I’m so sorry, Youngjae. I know you won’t trust me, but I really have done everything I could have—”

“Don’t you dare try to wash your hands from this. It’s your fault as much as it’s Jongup and Yongguk’s. And everyone else’s.”

They were both silent for a moment.

“How’s your head?” Daehyun asked, his voice echoed through the empty space.

“You gave me a concussion, thanks for asking.”

“If Jongup had had his way, you wouldn’t be breathing right now,” Daehyun noted. “And Yongguk wants to talk to you, which tends to be difficult to do with a corpse.”

Youngjae let a beat pass, before looking Daehyun’s way. He had to avert his gaze immediately in order not to get sick. “You’re here to take me to him?”

“If you can stand.”

Youngjae didn’t say anything. He was already sitting up just fine, but he would not help Daehyun out in any way.

The older sighed and stood, walking over. As he tried to take Youngjae by the arm, he suddenly found a new strength within himself and started struggling against it. Had his hands been free, Daehyun’s pretty face would not have been safe.

Daehyun was doing his best to contain Youngjae’s violent trashing. He wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist, trying to lift him off the ground.

“Youngjae—Fuck—Stop that! You’re not going to achieve anything this way—”

“Yeah but I’ll be damned if I come with you willingly!” he yelled.

Daehyun started to drag him away. The stairs were a problem. Daehyun had to worry about not getting kicked in the head – _damn_ , Youngjae was flexible – and also about not falling down.

Eventually, with a lot of suppressed screams on Youngjae’s part, they made it up the stairs. With one exasperated noise of frustration, Daehyun pushed Youngjae, who stumbled and fell to the ground, sliding a few centimeters across the white marble.

“Son of a bitch!” Youngjae screamed.

When he lifted his head he was met with a pair of red heels. Looking further up Youngjae met the cold gaze of Nahyun. She stood with two younger boys at her side; all three of them had the same stance, arms crossed, blank and disinterested expressions.

“Want me to take it from here?” She asked Daehyun, who was rubbing his shoulder and wondering what the hell had Youngjae _done_ to him for his _shoulder_ to hurt this much.

Nahyun was the head of general security, which gave her the pass to hang out at the mansion 24/7. Although she mostly stayed by the pool and flirted with Daehyun and whoever Daehyun happened to bring along. They were never serious, just teasing one another.

During his time with the gang, Youngjae had indulged. He’d had some verbal fun with her, but never went very far, just like Daehyun never had.

“Yeah, just… Just be careful. He kicks and bites,” Daehyun pointed out.

Nahyun gave a half smile and signaled the two boys behind her. They stepped forward and dragged Youngjae to his feet who, of course, refused to cooperate. He was tired of fighting, so instead he just stayed perfectly still. The one on his right sighed and lifted Youngjae up over his shoulder, carrying him like a sack of potatoes.

Nahyun walked ahead, heels clicking against the floor. The other boy was walking behind.

Youngjae tried to remember his name. Was it Taeseon? No, Taeseon was the one carrying him, this one was… Hayoung? Youngjae couldn’t remember. It didn’t matter anyway. He doubted the five men knew all their names either. These were the people who worked most closely with the gang, and there were hundred more members who only did their given tasks without asking any questions. Most of them didn’t even know what the five looked like, let alone where they lived.

But these were the chosen few. Ten teenage boys who were too young to be in this mess and three girls who took care of all the things the five didn’t have the time for. They were glorified secretaries and the boys were glorified guard dogs.

Staring at the floor while hanging off of Taeseon’s shoulder, Youngjae couldn’t see where they were going. Twice up a flight of stairs. One left turn, one right. He knew where he was being taken because of his conversation with Daehyun, but only saw it once he was placed on the ground.

Yongguk’s office was on the top floor. It overlooked the Dobong mountain, rather than the city.

Youngjae didn’t want to go inside. He didn’t want to see Yongguk, or the office, or the mountain, no matter how beautiful of a view all of it was.

The boy whose name was probably Hayoung opened the door and Taeseon pushed him forward when Youngjae didn’t move.

“It’s okay,” Nahyun told Taeseon, then turned to Youngjae. “Come on.” She took him by the arm and pulled him inside – she was much stronger than she looked.

Youngjae tried to remember some breathing exercises his therapist had taught him. Inhale four, hold six and exhale seven. Or was it hold eight?

Whatever it was, Youngjae needed to calm down. He didn’t want to be pulled into a flashback right now. Not a good time.

Calm down. Breathe.

Four, eight, seven.

Or was it six?

Youngjae was staring at the desk and it was making him panic. Because memories were flooding in and they weren't bad memories. Memories of him sitting on the desk and Yongguk sitting on the chair. The older usually rested his forehead against Youngjae's chest and they'd talk. They used to talk for hours while Youngjae played with Yongguk's soft curls.

They weren't bad memories. They weren't fueling his rage, they were making him sad.

He wouldn't allow himself to cry right now.

He looked up and only wanted to cry more.

Yongguk was standing by the window and staring ahead. He seemed to be gazing at the landscape, but Youngjae knew that he could probably see only as far as the traffic light right outside the house. Yongguk was thinking, and when he was deep in thought, he didn't see.

Youngjae remembered it. Sometimes his thoughts would wonder off while they were sat opposite of each other and Yongguk would stare right through him.

Four, eight, seven.

It wasn't working. Youngjae was starting to hyperventilate.

Yongguk was standing there, flicking his favourite lighter, his posture perfect in his white shirt with a neatly ironed collar, unbuttoned at the top. He only turned his head a little when the door opened.

“Should I free him or…? Daehyun said he tried to bite him. Maybe we should keep his hands bound,” Nahyun said, maybe to get Yongguk’s attention.

There was a pause before he replied, “He tries to bite everyone, it’s his thing. Free him, I’ll be fine.”

Nahyun was a bit skeptical, but without another word she pulled out her knife – it looked somewhat like the one Jongup carried, but that was no surprise – and cut the ropes binding Youngjae’s wrists.

“You can go,” Yongguk said flatly.

Nahyun threw Youngjae a threatening look and walked out the door. Even as the door closed, neither of them moved. They waited until the sound of heels got distant.

“You changed your haircut,” Youngjae said, desperately needing to break the silence.

Back when they met each other and during their time together, Yongguk’s hair was a curly mess, always falling into his eyes. Now it was miraculously straight and neatly combed, falling in graceful waves around his face.

The fact that Youngjae couldn’t find him ugly was deeply upsetting.

Yongguk turned and gave him a half-hearted look. “You haven’t changed a bit.”

He set his lighter down, but while he was still turned away, Youngjae stepped forward. Another step. His eyes were brimming with tears already. Fists clenched he stalked Yongguk until he was close enough to charge.

He wasn’t exactly in the state to fight. He was dizzy and exhausted and broken. Yongguk spun around and grabbed Youngjae’s wrist before he even made contact. Youngjae yelled and yanked his wrist but did not manage to free himself. Yongguk kept a hold on him and twisted his hand, pressing him against the desk.

Aside from Yongguk holding him down, there was now a cold, round object pressed to the back of his head.

“We’ve been here before,” Youngjae hissed, “Only without the gun.”

Yongguk said nothing.

“Do it then!” Youngjae screamed, not even struggling anymore.

A tense moment of silence passed before Yongguk let go. Youngjae straightened up and watched Yongguk leave the gun on the desk.

“I didn’t think so,” Youngjae spat, taking a few steps back. “If you wanted me dead that’s what I’d be right now. Besides, you’re weak,” he added. It was an insult that came as a result of distress and the feeling of powerlessness. It was so weak that Yongguk didn’t even flinch.

He sat at his desk, gracefully crossing his legs. “Sit,” he said.

Youngjae stayed up. “What do you want from me?”

Yongguk sighed. “Just sit down. Let’s talk like civilized people.”

Youngjae kicked the chair.

“You’re acting like a child,” Yongguk said.

Youngjae still stood.

Yongguk decided to proceed nonetheless. “We’ve had different ideas about what to do with you,” he started. “Jongup wanted to personally torture you, kill you slowly. You know him. Daehyun wanted to just shoot you and be done with it. He’s been really merciful… But not as much as Junhong. He said we should leave you be. And Himchan has stayed undecided.”

“And what was your idea?” Youngjae asked quietly.

Yongguk smiled very faintly. There was a hint of sick satisfaction behind it. “Mine? I wanted to ruin you. I wanted to tear into your life slowly. I wanted to give you a puzzle to solve and then kill you right after you’ve solved it.”

It did sound like something Yongguk would do. But this kind of rage was only proving that Youngjae had gotten to him, which was of some kind of consolation.

“Then why didn’t you do that? Why am I not amidst your plot?” He asked slowly, looking up at Yongguk for the first time.

“A man who goes by Bin saved you,” Yongguk said after a brief pause.

“Is that his real name?”

“No. But you won’t find out his name unless he tells you. All you need to know is that Bin of Nowon-gu faction saved your life.” He frowned, the most reaction to anything he’d shown so far. “You need to remember it because those fuckers never forget. You owe him now.”

Youngjae crossed his arms, eyeing Yongguk suspiciously. He knew nothing of The Nowon-gu Faction which was upsetting as it was. But even worse was the fact that he was apparently in debt to them, or one of their members.

“I still don’t understand how he saved my life or why I am here,” Youngjae said.

Yongguk reposition himself in his seat. “He realized that you might be of use to them. See, there’s been trouble on the east. New and unfamiliar gangs making trouble here and there… Recently there’s been an incident that truly put them on the radar. Turns out the gangs are a part of a bigger organization. They did some investigating and—“

Just as Youngjae wondered why Yongguk was telling him this, he said,

“—and they traced them back all the way to the gang that held you three years ago. Do you remember?”

Youngjae winced, suddenly feeling dizzy again. He took a few steps back and ended up sitting down like Yongguk had requested.

“How could I forget?” He muttered breathlessly.

“Yes, it was your great victory. Or it was supposed to be. You were supposed to catch us both but they got away, didn’t they?”

Youngjae clenched his fists. “Yes, thanks for reminding me.”

“Well, that’s why you’re here,” Yongguk explained. “You were on that case. You have access to the information we don’t. You’re going to help us solve the mess that has broken out. As for Bin… You owe him your life because he’s the one who’s discovered all of this and demanded we keep you alive.”

Youngjae’s head was spinning. He was once again on the verge of losing it and drowning in flashbacks, these being less pleasant than the previous ones. But he somewhat understood. He understood enough to give a witty comeback.

“So you want me to help you wage some gang wars. I get it. What I can’t figure out is; since when do you take orders from any higher-ups?”

Yongguk huffed. “We do not take orders. We’re cooperating with Nowon-gu.” He paused. “And we do owe them a favour.”

This made Youngjae crack up. “Oh, so you’re in that uncomfortable position as well? You having to repay a favour is what kept me alive? You have got to be kidding me.” He doubled over, wiping tears from his eyes. It wasn’t that funny, but Youngjae was losing it.

“So it would seem,” Yongguk said coolly.

“I understand. Can I go now?”

Yongguk glanced at his watch. “I suppose, yes.”

Youngjae stood, but he stepped forward rather than going out. “One thing, though.”

Yongguk gave him a questioning look.

“I want my room,” Youngjae said.

Yongguk stood as well reaching for his phone. “Sorry, but you aren’t in the position to demand anything,” he said dismissively.

“The basement stinks and it’s uncomfortable. In prison you at least have a blanket. And you get to clean your cell. Out of the two of us, you’re the one who should be living like that, not me.”

Yongguk pressed his phone to his ear as he looked up at Youngjae. “I suppose that’s how you’d like it to be. But we are done here. Taeseon!”

The door opened and Yongguk motioned for him to take Youngjae out.

But as he was being dragged away, he snapped. He turned and tried to step into the office again, but the boy held him back.

“ _Coward_! You’re—You killed my friend! You did all that to take revenge on me and for what!? I _broke your heart! I broke you!_ You let me in and I destroyed you because you’re weak! You killed her but that won’t heal you! In the end, everyone will leave you!”

It was satisfying to see that Yongguk wasn’t as stone-cold as he had just presented himself. He watched wide-eyed as the two boys dragged Youngjae out. The last thing he saw was Yongguk, dropping his phone and sitting back down onto his black leather office chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments and opinions are much appreciated! What are your impressions so far?  
> This song, you might know it, is by Arctic Monkeys. How do you think it relates to the story? Tell me in the comments!  
> Thanks to everyone who continuously reads this and especially to those who comment, it means so much <3  
> School has ended for me so I'll try to update more frequently at least over the summer.  
> Interactions and questions are also welcome on my tumbler @vai-should-be-quiet


	4. III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’d spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling and trying to remember as many names ending with ‘Bin’ as he could.
> 
> Moonbin. Changbin. Seungbin. Soobin. Hyeonbin. Hongbin. Hanbin. Woobin.
> 
> Which one was his Bin? The one who had saved his life?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No trigger warnings for this chapter.

It had been three days since Youngjae’s talk with Yongguk. Three days since he’d been pushed back into the basement and left there.

Daehyun was the only one who visited and pretty much only thanks to Youngjae being annoying did he get a bathroom break. Daehyun never answered Youngjae’s questions and only gave him instant noodles to eat.

It was the most uneventful three days Youngjae had ever experienced.

The one good thing about it was that his hands were no longer bound so he could pace around, work out, punch walls and try to attack Daehyun – although that also got boring very quickly.

Three days were too much because Youngjae was left to his thoughts, replaying his conversation with Yongguk and Eunae’s death. He had plenty of time to think about all the ways all of this could have been avoided. Most important of all, he had plenty of time to flashback to all the unpleasant events of three years ago.

The first night had been the worst because he’d kept trying to fall back asleep. Each time he’d woken up in a cold sweat, some new nightmare lingering in his mind.

The second night he’d given up on sleeping. He’d only allowed it to happen once before he’d said “fuck it.”

The nightmares weren’t about Yongguk or his group. They were about the tiny squad of assholes that had taken him prisoner.

Yes, it was all part of the plan to catch both groups, but it wasn’t an act. To Youngjae they were all the same – as he’d tried to keep them, names on a record to be put behind bars. But at times when he got too deep into thinking back to it all, Youngjae admitted to himself that the other group was much worse.

And now they weren’t leaving his dreams.

He’d spent the rest of the night staring at the ceiling and trying to remember as many names ending with ‘Bin’ as he could.

Moonbin. Changbin. Seungbin. Soobin. Hyeonbin. Hongbin. Hanbin. Woobin.

Which one was his Bin? The one who had saved his life?

The third night Youngjae received a visit. It was way past midnight and Daehyun alwondered if it was Jongup, finally coming to get out his frustration on Youngjae.

He propped himself up on his elbows, squinting at the door.

The silhouette was too tall to be Jongup, which was somewhat of a relief. As the figured moved downward and got swallowed up by the darkness that Youngjae was used to, he recognized his only visitor.

Daehyun was stumbling down the stairs with a bottle of something in his hand. He gracelessly placed his butt on the chair, rested his elbows on his knees like before and hung his head.

Youngjae sighed, lying back on the mattress. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“Can’t sleep,” Daehyun mumbled.

Dim light was coming from the hallway above, poorly illuminating Daehyun’s features. He looked half-dead, his eyes were pale and graced with dark bags underneath. His bronze skin now looked ashy, the colour one’s face turns when faced with some kind of horror. But Daehyun didn’t seem terrified, just exhausted.

“And why was I bestowed the honour of being chosen as your hang-out buddy?” Youngjae asked, staring at the ceiling. He couldn’t look at Daehyun, although he wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t hate, that had settled down at least a little.

“Everyone else is asleep.”

“Yongguk probably isn’t,” Youngjae mumbled.

A silent second passed and then Daehyun burst out laughing. “Yeah... Yeah, probably. You know him so well, don’t you?”

Youngjae didn’t answer.

“Either way... I don’t wanna disturb him. He’s probably in his own world or working.”

“But you can bother me,” Youngjae said with a sigh.

“You’re not doing anything.”

“Actually—“

“That wasn’t a question.”

Youngjae huffed. “So what now? Do we just sit or do you want me to take on the role of your therapist?”

“You know what, fuck that. You really were being nice before,” Daehyun spat and stood, but he stumbled.

Youngjae was quick to follow, stepping forward to hold the older up. He wasn’t sure what had made him do it; it certainly wasn’t compassion. Pity, maybe.

“Okay, calm down. It... It’s gonna be okay,” he said and took Daehyun to the mattress.

They sat down and Daehyun leaned his entire weight on Youngjae, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Why can’t you sleep?” Youngjae asked, trying to poke Daehyun away. He didn’t budge.

“...Changed my meds again. They seem to be doing shit.”

Youngjae had no idea what to say to this. It wasn’t like he could help. “How long?”

Daehyun frowned, trying to think about it. “Two weeks?”

“I’m sorry,” Youngjae mumbled.

“What’s there to be sorry about?” Daehyun sighed. He sat up on his own, for a long moment just staring at the wall. Then out of the blue he flung the bottle into the wall and it shattered with a crashing noise. It seemed to have been empty since there were only glass shards on the floor and no liquid.

Youngjae had only winced before giving Daehyun a wide-eyed look.

“What the—“

Daehyun shook his head and sat up from his previous position of holding his head in his hands. He leaned back on his elbows.

“Well, we know what’s keeping me up. What about you?” Daehyun asked as if nothing had happened.

Youngjae decided to act so as well. “Nightmares,” he said simply.

Daehyun nudged him a little as if to get him to elaborate.

“I don’t have to tell you anything,” he said sharply.

“I was just trying to help,” Daehyun mumbled.

“Well, you can’t.”

They stayed in silence.

It took a while for the fact that Daehyun’s presence wasn’t bothering him, that it was even soothing in a way to sink in. It left Youngjae rather confused. He hated Daehyun, even before when he was pretending to be befriending the group, him and Youngjae were “rivals” and couldn’t stand each other.

Yet Daehyun’s presence was soothing.

The sound of soft snores reached Youngjae’s ears and he sighed. Alone again.

For maybe an hour or so he just sat there with a passed out Daehyun by his side, thinking about what the hell the others would think when they find Daehyun sleeping in Youngjae’s current – hopefully temporary – residence.

Furthermore he was thinking about the fact that the door was open and that there were only two teenage boys guarding it. He thought hard about it and decided that it wasn’t the best time to run. There was nothing holding him back, he simply didn’t think it was a good opportunity. He knew for a fact that the security didn’t stop at the two guard dogs outside.

He stood up and slowly walked up the stairs.

As soon as he appeared at the door the two boys stood in front of him, shoulder to shoulder, blocking the path.

Youngjae raised his arms and stepped back.

“You should take him to his room,” he said.

The two boys exchanged looks.

“He’ll get in trouble if he’s found here,” Youngjae explained. “And it would be nice of you not to mention this visit to the others.”

For a second they didn’t do anything, but then one of them pushed past Youngjae down into the basement. He came back with the sleeping Daehyun in his arms. He went upstairs without uttering a word, leaving his friend to stand watch.

Youngjae looked at the boy who was left behind and made the gesture of zipping his mouth shut. The boy nodded and Youngjae returned downstairs.

* * *

The next day he was woken up by a nudge to the waist.

“Get up.” A sharp voice.

Youngjae whined, slowly opening his eyes. He couldn’t say that the sight wasn’t pretty, but it was definitely something he didn’t want to see.

It was the frowning face of one Moon Jongup.

“Will you break my ribs if I don’t?” Youngjae asked, rolling over thereby turning his butt to Jongup. He knew he was trying his luck with the younger, but he didn’t really care.

“I’d love to,” Jongup said, stepping forward. “But I need you to be able to walk.”

Youngjae’s eyes snapped open as Jongup grabbed his hair and dragged him to his feet. Youngjae stumbled backwards a little, throwing the younger an angry look.

“Oh yeah? We’re going somewhere?”

“Yes, actually. We’re going to visit some friends of ours,” Jongup informed and reached for Youngjae again, but he stepped away.

“As you said, I can walk,” he hissed.

Jongup glared at him, but didn’t complain further. He just motioned for Youngjae to walk ahead.

Jongup took him out the basement and up a flight of stairs to the corridor Youngjae knew well – it was where all their rooms were. Jongup stopped in front of Daehyun’s and knocked.

Youngjae half expected to see Daehyun as he had been the night before – exhausted and broken – but when he answered he seemed to be his old self, smiling brightly at the two.

“Youngjae! Come in,” he said cheerfully. “Thanks for bringing him, Uppie, how kind of you. See you later!”

Jongup just gave a sharp nod and walked away.

As Daehyun pulled him inside and closed the door, Youngjae took a moment to look at his face in the much better light of Daehyun’s room.

Traces of two week’s exhaustion were still visible under his make-up, and even though he looked much healthier, it was evident that there was an effort to make it so. His cheeks were red with a light blush, his lips were red and glossy and his face was shining with a soft highlighter.

“You look better,” Youngjae said. He stood his ground, looking around the room. He hadn’t been there in a while and he wasn’t yet sure why he was there.

Clothes were scattered on Daehyun’s bed, but otherwise the room was tidy, impersonal even. There was the bed, a desk with a laptop and a few books on it, a mirror and a closet, much smaller than the one in his apartment. Clear walls. This was because Daehyun hardly spent time there, he was usually in his own home.

Daehyun, who was fixing up some finishing touches on his make-up in front of the mirror, gave Youngjae a sorrowful look. “I’ve learned to make it so,” he said and stepped back to look at his reflection from a distance.

“Now you,” he said.

Youngjae stepped back, frowning. “...What me? We’re having a dress-up party?”

Daehyun chuckled. “Something like that.”

“Why? What’s going on?” Youngjae kept asking, backing up further. The way Daehyun was stalking him implied that his intentions were much more sinister than a dress-up party.

“I’m afraid I can’t say,” Daehyun said softly.

“Jongup said we’re going to visit some ‘friends’ of yours. What does that mean? Who are they? Why are you taking me with you?”

“Jae, I really can’t say—“

“Don’t you ‘Jae’ me! I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s going on!”

Daehyun stood still, going quiet for a moment. His gaze was unsteady, eyes wondering over Youngjae’s face. He seemed to be contemplating a response.

“You’re going to meet Bin,” was all Daehyun said.

It was such a vague sentence and he’d said it after too much thinking for Youngjae to believe it was true. And yet... Yongguk had said that this Bin considered him useful. It wasn’t too farfetched that he would be taken to provide with whatever it was that Bin considered useful.

“What is it that he needs me to do?” Youngjae asked after a pause.

“Youngjae, I really can’t say.”

“It has something to do with the group that’s taken me. You need my help to take them down, right? But what can I do to help? And what makes you think I’ll be willing to help?”

“I don’t know!” Daehyun snapped. “We need information, currently that’s what we’re lacking.” He froze and then sighed. He’d already said too much. Daehyun shook his head and looked back up at Youngjae. “You don’t need to be willing,” he said. “They can be persuasive and so can we.”

Youngjae huffed. “Oh, I know how scary you can be,” he said sarcastically. But the truth was that this would all be easier if he just went along.

Daehyun offered his hand and, although reluctantly, Youngjae took it.

 

After days spent in the basement Youngjae was glad to have been given an opportunity to shower.

He was standing now in front of Daehyun’s mirror, in Daehyun’s clothes, wearing Daehyun’s make-up.

Dressed up like that he didn’t look as disastrous as he felt.

And yes, he may have been pissed off by the entire situation, but Youngjae was also glad that he was given a chance to get as dressed up as Daehyun was. He wouldn’t have liked it if they took him to their ‘friends’ as a helpless hostage.

The tension of the situation was undeniable, and yet the two of them getting dressed up together made it seem like they were going on a double date, rather than some unpleasant meeting.

“Thank you for yesterday,” Daehyun said out of the blue.

Youngjae threw him a glance, but he didn’t return in. “No problem.”

They didn’t speak of the sincerity in Daehyun’s voice as he thanked Youngjae. They didn’t speak of Youngjae’s effort to keep everything hidden for Daehyun’s sake. They said nothing else on the matter.

Daehyun checked his Rolex and fixed his hair one last time. “Let’s go.”

He took him through the house, behind the kitchen and through a tiny corridor. It looked like a path to a dungeon, but Youngjae knew that they were going to the garage. Much less horrible than the basement where he resided.

The others were already waiting around one of the cars, a BMW 850 CSI.

Youngjae took note that Daehyun was more dressed up than the others, himself included. Yongguk had gone for his usual combination of a white shirt, dark jeans and his favourite black trench coat. Himchan wasn’t any less dressed up than usual, wearing a dress shirt and a jacket with an untied bowtie. Jongup hardly even tried, wearing a low-cut tank top, his usual leather jacket over it and ripped jeans. But Junhong was the one who remained the most casual, dressed in jeans, a band tee and a denim jacket.

Daehyun was the only one in a suit, while Youngjae had taken one of his dress shirts and a light jacket over that with some simple pants.

Jongup detached himself from the hood of the car where he’d been sitting and approached Youngjae. He tugged on Youngjae’s wrists, before clasping a pair of handcuffs onto them. No one else reacted to this action.

“Whose are these?” Youngjae asked.

No one responded.

“Did you find them among Jongup’s sex toys?” He kept going.

Jongup raised his hand, but Junhong appeared behind him and took him by the wrist.

“We have to go, hyung,” Junhong said softly. Jongup threw Youngjae a glare, yanked his hand from Junhong’s grasp and stomped towards the car.

Junhong glanced at Youngjae and gave a tiny smile. “Probably,” he said, not too loudly, as response to Youngjae’s earlier question.

“You’d know about his toys,” Youngjae teased. They both chuckled and Junhong nudged his shoulder. For that one second it was as if they were friends again.

And then it was over as Himchan took Youngjae by the shoulder and pushed him into the car. He leaned his elbow on the open door and glanced down at Youngjae, who was squirming to get comfortable.

“Try to keep yourself in check,” Himchan said.

Youngjae raised his eyebrows. “When am I not in check?”

“That’s exactly what he’s talking about,” Jongup cut in. He was sitting next to Youngjae. Perfect.

Himchan paid Jongup no mind. “One of their members recently got shot so they’re a bit pissy. We don’t need you to create a scene,” Himchan explained. “Stay quiet, if you can.”

“You’ve got it boss,” Youngjae said flatly.

Himchan slammed the door shut and went to the driver’s seat. It was the four of them in the BMW, while Yongguk and Daehyun were in Daehyun’s Tesla Model X.

No one buckled Youngjae’s seatbelt. They took off. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lil chapter because I realized that a) I've neglected this story for too long, b) this section is long enough to be a chapter of its own, c) what takes place in the next chapter simply has to be an isolated part lest it be too confusing.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed and please look forward to the next update.


	5. Rewind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Youngjae stayed quiet. He was debating his options.  
> Two were evident.  
> Talk. Save your ass and be a coward.  
> Or don’t talk. Save your pride and lose your head.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a critical chapter because a lot of things get revealed while staying a secret at the same time. Certain characters finally make an appearance. It's a wild ride.
> 
> This chapter is dedicated to Ace (astrosminsung) because tomorrow is one year since we've started talking and eventually became friends. I know it's not The AU that brought us together (after we haven't talked in a while, remember) but it's still B.A.P and it's still Mafia, so, just as good. I hope you like it!!
> 
> And I hope everyone else likes it, I worked hard on it!
> 
> _No trigger warnings for this chapter_

It was a long ride and Youngjae wasn’t making it easy for anyone. Somewhere along the way Jongup had put a blindfold over his eyes and that was when Youngjae had started talking.

“Is this really necessary?”

“I don’t even care where we’re going.”

“Is this another one of your toys?” (Junhong had chuckled at this)

“People are divided on this, you know. Some say that nothing good ever starts with a blindfold while others say that anything that starts with a blindfold must be good.”

“I’d be much less bored if I could look out the window.”

Himchan never reacted. His ability to ignore and tune out annoyances was remarkable.

Such patience didn’t grace Jongup. Junhong had to hold his hand to stop him from hitting Youngjae every five seconds.

But perhaps the most remarkable thing was that Youngjae had not closed his mouth until the car came to a stop.

The hand that grabbed him to shove him out of the car must have been Jongup’s.

“This was a bad idea. He’ll do exactly what you’ve told him not to do,” Youngjae heard Jongup say.

“It doesn’t matter. It might actually be fun to see Ravi break his teeth,” Daehyun said. His voice was a bit farther, coming from where he’d parked his Tesla.

“Who’s Ravi?” Youngjae asked. No one answered.

“Silent treatment won’t work on me. I’m not trying to annoy you, I just want answers.” That wasn’t entirely true. Youngjae wanted answers _and_ to annoy them. Still no response.

Soon Jongup pushed him along. Only when they were inside was his blindfold taken off. They were inside an office building. It seemed abandoned aside from a running vending machine by the front desk, where a freckly boy sat.

When he saw the six of them entering he stood and bowed. He was looking at them with admiration.

Youngjae felt bad for the boy. How low must he have sunk to consider such people role models.

Daehyun flashed him a smile and the boy flushed. That was the most communication that was exchanged as they were heading to the elevator.

By the time they reached their floor, Youngjae was fully alert. He was wondering what kind of people would be Dobong-gu’s friends. More importantly he was wondering who was Bin and what did he want from Youngjae.

They went down a carpeted corridor. Youngjae was looking around at the framed abstract art-works on the walls which he could make no sense of. There were a few doors in the corridor but they seemed to be heading to the farthest one.

‘Conference hall,’ it read.

A few people were present in the building. One girl who seemed to be a secretary of a sort spotted them and immediately turned to pace the other way. Standing by the door labelled as ‘conference hall’ were two younger boys, chatting casually. One of them was scrolling on his phone.

Just like the freckly one in the lobby, they straightened up and bowed formally when the six of them approached. Junhong ruffled one of the boys’ curly hair and Jongup fist-bumped the other.

Youngjae’s heart was drumming against his chest as they went through the door. He almost expected to be enlightened.

Only three people were present in the conference hall which was too big to host a meeting for nine people, although Youngjae suspected more would arrive.

He took a good look at the three men in the room. The first one who caught his eye was one a bit older than he was. He had dark red hair and tattoos visible on his bare arms. He wasn’t dressed formally either, wearing a sleeveless black shirt with some logo Youngjae didn’t recognize, black ripped jeans and a chain around his neck. He was playing with some dice, they made a clicking noise that echoed through the room. With his eyebrows slightly furrowed and his red hair, he reminded Youngjae of the red angry bird.

The other two were both brunettes, both quite tall. The older one had a longer face and a slit eyebrow and the expression of a cat that’s just smashed a vase and is feeling proud of itself. Maybe it was the sharp shape of his eyebrows, or the look in his eyes, or the faint smirk on his lips but he looked ready to screw anyone over. He was sitting on the table, swinging his legs.

The younger brunette was as dressed up as Daehyun was. He wore a casual suit and a red silk handkerchief around his neck. He was standing in front of where the older sat, arms crossed and tapping his foot nervously. Was that Bin? Was he expecting Dobong-gu because of Youngjae?

Youngjae knew he was just being self-indulgent as he thought this. In reality his presence seemed devastatingly insignificant.

As soon as the door opened the younger brunette looked up, smiled brightly and ran around the elongated table. He halted in front of Daehyun and gave him a formal bow, then ran straight for Junhong, embracing him tightly. Daehyun had responded to his bow with an equally formal nod, and was now looking after him with an unreadable expression.

It had all happened quickly and subtly; Youngjae had only been able to catch it because he was doing his very best to take note of every single detail around him.

Daehyun ripped his gaze from Junhong and his friend and instead opened his arms to embrace the other brunette. They greeted each other with “son of a bitch.” Youngjae was getting frustrated that he didn’t know anyone’s name yet.

Jongup went to sit next to the angry bird and they slipped into a quiet conversation while playing dice together.

Yongguk and Himchan shared no greetings. They stood at the edge of the table, arms crossed, waiting.

This way, Youngjae was left awkwardly alone.

Daehyun to the rescue. He wrapped his arm around Youngjae’s shoulders, smiling brightly.

“Ken, this is Yoo Youngjae. You’ve asked for him, there you have it. Jae, this is Ken. We go way back.”

Ken saluted as a greeting. Youngjae only nodded, not caring for any formalities. Ken didn’t seem to care either.

But Youngjae didn’t like the way he was being looked at by Ken. He looked like a hyena stalking its prey.

Him and Daehyun chatted a while longer, until Ken patted Daehyun’s shoulder and said, “I haven’t greeted my favourite hyung yet. Excuse me.”

He made his way over to where Himchan and Yongguk stood. The bow Ken gave them was deeper than necessary, but even so Yongguk glared at him with distaste.

“It’s so good to see you again,” Ken was saying. “N will be here any moment, don’t worry.”

Himchan muttered something under his breath.

“We’ve got the time,” Yongguk said.

 Youngjae had to live through a couple more minutes as the third wheel to Ken and Daehyun’s conversation before the door opened again.

In walked two men, one with dark hair and tan skin and the other quite pale with blue hair a few shades lighter than Jongup’s. They were chatting and laughing about something. Both had dimples, though not very prominent, only when they smiled.

And then the dark haired man looked across the room, locked eyes with Himchan and his smile, as well as his dimples were instantly swept away. He bowed and Himchan nodded, suggesting that Himchan was older. Formal and highly impersonal. They didn’t acknowledge each other further.

The blue haired one was carrying a laptop. He walked over to the table and placed it down. This was the action that kicked everyone into gear, taking their places at the table. Youngjae waited to be pushed or otherwise directed to where he’d be sitting.

The two groups sat on opposite ends. Youngjae was between Junhong and Yongguk. To Junhong’s left was Jongup. To Yongguk’s right was Himchan, then Daehyun.

As brief as the moment of silence that occurred was, Youngjae couldn’t stand it. He was anxious like a student about to get their test results with a teacher who keeps stalling.

“Well, this is the most boring meeting I’ve ever been to. There’s not even any refreshments,” Youngjae said.

There were a few chuckles from over the table, but Ken laughed the loudest. Himchan, Yongguk, Jongup and the angry bird didn’t laugh at all.

“We used to drink scotch but we got drunk too quickly,” Ken explained.

The dark haired man leaned in, placing his chin in his palm. His smile was back and so was his dimple. “You must be Youngjae. I’m N. I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Bad things, I assume,” Youngjae said.

N’s smile was gentle. “We weren’t affected by the events from three years ago. I don’t like to form opinions about people based off of stories.”

Himchan once again muttered something under his breath, too quiet for Youngjae to hear. No one reacted to it or asked him to speak up.

“I’d like to know who I’m working with,” Youngjae spoke.

N blinked, batting his pretty lashes. “Excuse me?”

“You all know each other and as I’ve been told you’re going to ask something of me. Before we get to business I’d like to know who I’m working with.”

N leaned back in his chair. “I see.” He gestured to his right. “Ravi and Bin—” then to his left, “—Ken and Hyuk.”

Now that he knew their names – not their real names, as was evident – Youngjae took another glance at the other side of the table.

Sat across from Jongup was Ravi, the angry bird. Next to him was an empty spot and sitting across from Youngjae was the blue haired man with the laptop. Bin.

Youngjae locked eyes with him, but he said nothing. N was sitting across from Yongguk, Ken was next to him and in the end the brunette with the red handkerchief – Hyuk – was sitting across from Daehyun.

“I’d say I’m pleased to meet you, but it wouldn’t be true,” Youngjae said in the sweetest voice he could muster.

“We don’t expect you to be,” N said, just as sweetly.

“How’s Leo?” Daehyun cut in, changing the subject because the snarky remarks were truly going to get them nowhere.

Ravi looked up and for a second the sound of the clicking dice ceased. “He’s fine. The bullet was horribly misplaced. The good news is we’re dealing with idiots who can’t shoot.” Then he kept playing with his dice.

“So what happened?” Daehyun asked.

Youngjae found this odd. While he was with Dobong-gu he’d learned the way Yongguk and Himchan’ co-leadership worked; Yongguk was the one who made decisions and his word was the last, but Himchan was the one to voice them.

But now it was like Himchan was refusing to speak. And with neither Yongguk nor Himchan speaking, there was no one to carry the meeting on Dobong-gu’s side.

“He was ambushed,” N said simply.

Hyuk was the one who elaborated, “Ken, him and I have noticed them pop up here and there, making trouble. It didn’t use to be anything special and nothing we couldn’t take care of internally. But they’re reckless, same people keep appearing over our territory and they’re impossible to miss. The biggest slip-up was when they tried to take over some of Leo’s routes. He went to settle it—”

“He shouldn’t have gone alone,” Ravi muttered.

“Dami and Yoohyeon were with him,” N cut in. “We’ve been over this.”

Ravi shook his head but said nothing else.

“Ambushed, as hyung said,” Hyuk finished.

“How misplaced was the bullet?” Jongup asked Ravi.

“Shoulder. If you ask me, for someone skilled that’s far from the head,” Ravi said.

“It may have been a warning, not an assassination attempt,” Jongup remarked.

Ravi frowned and hung his head as he contemplated Jongup’s words.

“Whether they were aiming for the head or not, it was a threat,” N said, placing his palms flat on the table. “Leo’s territories are safe for now, but we can only imagine they’ll try something similar again.” He looked up at Yongguk and Himchan. “Have you noticed anything?”

Yongguk looked to Daehyun and Junhong. Daehyun shook his head.

“I have,” Junhong said after a moment. “On the east, but it was very minor. As you said, settled internally.”

There was a second of silent back and forth between Himchan and Yongguk as they tried to convince each other to speak, but Yongguk did so in the end.

“If you’re right and if we are dealing with the same group as we have three years ago, with the police still after us they’d be trying to stay away, wouldn’t they?”

N nodded slowly.

“I am almost a hundred percent positive it’s them,” Bin said as he started typing on his laptop. “You just have to confirm it.”

And this was the first time anyone addressed Youngjae directly since the conversation began. Bin didn’t even look at him, but it was clear who he was talking to.

“I can’t wait,” Youngjae said.

“I was able to dig out one name and one record. We have a few blurry pictures from security cameras before they disabled them, but...” His voice faded. “This one. He’s the most persistent,” Bin said and turned his laptop towards Youngjae.

It was the exact same picture from the record Youngjae was given three years ago, the record he had access to thanks to the alliance with the Chinese police department.

_“Escaped convict. Rumoured to have fled to The Republic of Korea.”_

Youngjae remembered every single piece of information from that record, but more importantly he remembered the smirking face, the rings he wore to make his punches more painful.

He remembered the man grabbing Youngjae by the hair before hitting him.

Youngjae remembered his answer to the question, “Are you sure about this?”

 _“His boyfriend will come for him, I’m sure of it,”_ he’d said.

 _'He's not my boyfriend,'_ Youngjae had wanted to say, but his mouth had been full of blood.

In present day, in the moment that had escaped Youngjae in favour of a flashback, Bin was saying, “That’s—”

“Jackson Wang,” Youngjae spat.

Bin blinked. “Yes.”

Youngjae didn’t stay in the present for too long. He was down in the subway, sitting across from Jackson Wang who was counting down minutes.

_“I told you they’d show up.”_

It was going according to plan and yet Youngjae had not expected Dobong-gu to show up. He much less expected to be relieved when he saw that Yongguk had come for him.

Youngjae remembered the heaviness of the fact that in just a few moments he would betray Yongguk.

_I never loved him anyway. He’s always been just a case._

A name on a record. Someone to put behind bars.

Four, eight, seven.

It wasn’t N calling for Youngjae repeatedly that brought him back to reality. It was Junhong taking his hand under the table.

When he blinked the memories away, he saw that everyone was staring at him expectantly. Everyone aside from Junhong, who was trying to be subtle about their hand holding, and Yongguk who hadn’t looked at Youngjae since they left.

“Are you okay?” Hyuk asked and he actually sounded worried.

Youngjae hoped he hadn’t teared up. He didn’t check.

He sat back in his chair and looked at N.

“And this is why I’m here,” he said. It wasn’t so much a question as it was stating the facts.

N nodded. “We’d like you to tell us what you know. We’re a bit behind on information and your help would be greatly appreciated. We know that the Chinese government had entrusted you with certain records. If it’s possible we’d like to see them, but why don’t you first tell us. If you can remember, of course. Take your time darling.”

Out of the corner of his eye Youngjae noticed that Himchan had ripped his gaze from Youngjae and was now focused on N.

Himchan was staring at him as if he were an insect that needs to be disposed of immediately. Youngjae wasn’t exactly sure why and it was the first time he’d seen Himchan express such blatant hatred towards someone, but there was certainly something in the way N spoke. Something that made you want to punch him.

_Your help would be greatly appreciated. If it’s possible. If you can remember. Take your time. Darling._

His gentle tone and the pretty batting of his lashes lulled you into safety, but he wasn’t asking. It wasn’t even a demand, it was an order.

Youngjae stayed quiet. He was debating his options.

Two were evident.

Talk. Save your ass and be a coward.

Or don’t talk. Save your pride and lose your head.

His gaze flicked over to Ravi and Jongup. He could see why they were friends and he could only imagine that they shared the job of extraction.

It seemed to be an easy decision seeing as Youngjae wasn’t a coward. And yet what he imagined happening afterwards was a scenario he didn’t like.

He would keep the information to himself and he would die. He could rely on the police to find his corpse, maybe find Dobong-gu and their friends, perhaps even Jackson and his gang. These twelve would go to prison, Jackson and the gang would be deported and also put behind bars and then what?

Dobong-gu was let loose as suspects of mass destruction. Such a thing shouldn’t be possible. Who’s to say all of them wouldn’t get out just as easily another time? Youngjae didn’t trust the justice system as much as he had. Only a few months ago his decision would have been much clearer than it was now.

Because there was one tiny problem. Youngjae wanted nothing more than to see a bullet between Jackson Wang’s eyes. The justice system would not give him that.

And so, a third solution arose. Talk, sit back and let this bunch of criminals do the dirty work.

His debating had apparently taken too long, because N let out a melodic sigh and sat up in his seat. “You disappoint me, Youngjae.”

“Off the top of my head...” Youngjae said suddenly, looking up and tilting his head as if trying to remember. “It’s a group of seven individuals, not all Chinese as you seem to think. The names are Jackson Wang, Xu Minghao, Han Dong, Wen Junhui, Mark Tuan, Lalisa Manoban and Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul. Pay in mind that they, especially the Thai ones, are most likely going by a different name.” He paused. “Well, Jackson isn’t. I’ve heard him being called by his name.

Anyway, Jackson Wang, 21 years old, 174 cm, 63 kg, born in Hong Kong, Chinese. He had been involved in juvenile crime, suspected to have been involved in his mother’s murder, the police had been called upon his household many times although it was never clear if he was the abuser or the abused. He’d gone missing before reappearing here, apparently he’d gotten into too much trouble in his homeland.

Xu Minghao, 17 years old, 179 cm, 53 kg, born in Anshan, Liaoning, Chinese. He hadn’t been involved in criminal activity before escaping to Korea, although he is the son of a known crime boss.

Han Dong, 19 years old, 165 cm, 51 kg, born in Wuhan, Chinese. She has been repeatedly involved in juvenile crime and minor destruction, trespassing and such...

Wen Junhui, 19 years old, 182 cm, 66 kg, born in Shenzhen, Guangdong, Chinese. No criminal past. The only thing connecting him to this case is his friendship with Xu Minghao and the fact that they had both been located here.

Mark Tuan, 21 years old, 175 cm, 59 kg, born in Los Angeles, American of Taiwanese descent. His criminal past in China follows Jackson’s, they seemed to have been parts of the same gangs. They came to The Republic of Korea together.

Lalisa Manoban, 18 years old, 167 cm, 46 kg, born in Bangkok, Thai. No criminal record.

Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, 19 years old, 170 cm, 59 kg, born in Bangkok, Thai. No criminal record.”

Youngjae took a deep breath. He was aware of everyone’s eyes on him, everyone but Yongguk’s, yet he wasn’t done.

“Keep in mind that this information is three years old. I’d also like to point out that the reason the Thai individuals have no criminal record – or didn’t have one back then – is because they were civilians, victims of human trafficking. Just... off the top of my head.”

Hyuk's eyes were wide and a smile was gracing his lips. He was leaning in, elbows rested on the table. “Do you have a photographic m—“

“He does.” It was Yongguk who answered.

This should have been surprising but no one showed it. And despite his intervention, Yongguk was still making no eye contact. Somewhere along Youngjae’s presentation he had lit a cigarette and was now blowing out a cloud of smoke.

Youngjae had managed to make him quit for a little while. He couldn’t stand kissing someone who tastes of nicotine.

Youngjae didn’t keep his gaze on Yongguk for too long. “Yes, I have a photographic memory,” he told Hyuk. “The records state crimes each of them had committed, but I’m not so good at memorizing lists.” He smiled.

“It would be lovely if you could show us those records,” N said in a honey sweet voice, though there was a change in his posture. He seemed more alert and his smile was no longer as casual. His fist was clenched, he was twisting his silver ring around his finger.

“You want me to hack into my own system?” Youngjae asked, doing his best to sound outraged.

“That should make it easy,” Bin said and turned the laptop towards Youngjae. Bin seemed... Pissed off. Youngjae didn’t understand this. Everyone else was at least a little impressed, but he was pissed off.

Maybe he hadn’t expected things to be so easy.

“Alright then,” Youngjae muttered and pulled the laptop closer.

Bin stood and walked around the table to stand behind Youngjae to watch him work. This was, of course, incredibly frustrating yet Youngjae figured it was necessary.

N seemed like a collected man. But Youngjae could see him making huge slip-ups; he’d let his anxiety show by standing up and pacing small circles. He was thinking.

He stopped when Youngjae was halfway in.

“Youngjae,” N called. His voice was nearly back to normal, but still strained. “What can you tell us about the Thai victims?”

Youngjae glanced up and paused for a second. He leaned back in his chair and looked up. He needed a second to convert – that was an entirely different case that was later connected to this one. “Just that they were brought here five years ago. The gang that had done the smuggling was located and...” Youngjae frowned as he remembered the obscurity of the case. “They were found dead. The victims had been missing. We’d spent some time searching for them and found most of them. Some are still missing and these two were found in Jackson Wang’s proximity.”

Since N gave no response, Youngjae went back to work. There was silence as he typed, the clicking of the keyboard oddly echoed through the room.

“Are the identities of the missing individuals known?” N spoke.

“Yeah,” Youngjae said, not looking up.

“Show me.”

Youngjae looked up at him and raised his eyebrows. “I’m a bit busy at the moment.”

“And what’s the point anyway?” Junhong mumbled from Youngjae’s left.

Jongup sat up, slightly leaning in. “These two may have known him.”

“So what!?” The irritation on Junhong’s voice made Youngjae wince. Not because he felt threatened but because he had never witnessed Junhong’s anger. Youngjae wasn’t sure he was capable of such a thing.

“So what? You might find out that he was with them and then what? He’s not gonna come back just because you found his friends,” Junhong was saying and each word felt like a knife to the chest.

Youngjae pouted with his eyebrows raised. This sudden argument was entertaining enough, but he really didn’t want to get involved. He just leaned in closer to the screen and kept going.

“You’re right,” N said.

Jongup’s gaze snapped up. “What!? I thought you were on my side!”

N shook his head. “No, Junhongie’s right. He isn’t going to come back.”

After that there was silence. Hardly bearable for Youngjae because he was starting to realize what he was actually doing. He was stealing from his own co-workers and friends. He was providing this bunch of human disasters with information needed to find and dispose of a group of people. Youngjae stopped and took a deep breath. He cracked his knuckles and kept typing. No going back now.

His chest kept aching as if there was a pile of rocks inside, he realized he desperately needed a distraction. Even if he wasn’t thinking about his decision and what he was doing, there was still the ever-present anxiety of doing something wrong.

Distraction.

“So who’s Leo?”

Silence.

“Hey, I’m just trying to make small talk. He’s the only guy I haven’t met, so who is he?”

More silence.

“I just don’t know what kind of an answer you’re expecting,” Ken said, looking up from his phone.

“Dunno. I suppose you don’t want to tell me about all the fun stuff like what his position in the gang is, where his territories are and who works for him. But you can always tell me about his daily life.”

“He’s chill,” Daehyun said after some thinking. “Likes cats and sucks at drawing. He’s got a nice voice.”

“Oh,” Youngjae said as if that meant anything to him at all.

“Yeah, he does,” Hyuk perked up. “Hyung, didn’t he want to be a singer when he was younger?”

This question seemed to have been directed at Ravi, because he was the one who sighed. “Can we stop talking about Leo?”

“Why?” Youngjae immediately asked as if it was his business. When he looked up from the screen he was delighted to be met with Ravi’s deadly gaze. It made Youngjae grin. “Why? Is he your boyfriend?”

Ravi spent another moment just shooting dagger’s Youngjae’s way. His dice clicked as he twisted them around in his palm. “Fiancé.”

Youngjae was not expecting this. The comment he’d made was meant to be a stupid joke and Ravi’s response wiped the smile off his face. “Oh. That’s... Nice.”

Youngjae was able to shut up for a few minutes only because he was thinking about Ravi’s previous behaviour and how protective of Leo he’d been. Now it all made sense. Youngjae stole a glance at Ravi’s hand that was twisting the dice; he wore many rings but one stood out as it had true value. Youngjae didn’t know why this made the heaviness heave a bit.

Then he remembered that he was happy about some criminal’s engagement. Why should he care?

It took half an hour more. Youngjae let out a loud sigh to get everyone’s attention and when he had it, he said, “Here you go.”

N rushed around the table to stand behind him. Everyone was gravitating towards the laptop now, huddled up around Youngjae.

It took all his might to completely ignore Yongguk’s presence beside him, how he had leaned in with his cigarette between his index and middle finger. Youngjae could smell the smoke but also Yongguk’s shampoo.

Four, eight, seven.

He was too close. Youngjae wanted to push him away.

The hand on his shoulder startled him. He glanced up and found himself face to face with N’s beautiful, dimpled smile. “I am so glad you decided to help, dear. I appreciate it, you have no idea how much.”

Youngjae could only imagine. Just a few hours ago these idiots were lost.

He smiled sweetly. “It was my pleasure.”

Youngjae ducked as Bin reached over and took the laptop. He guessed Bin was saving files for further use. They’d need them.

Nremoved his hand from Youngjae’s shoulder and instead put it on Bin’s back, whispering something in his ear. Bin nodded and after finishing what he’d been doing, he placed the laptop back in front of Youngjae. He looked around, searching for some sort of explanation. Himchan? Yongguk?  No, of course not.

He looked back up at N, frowning in confusion.

“If it’s all the same to you, I would still like to have a look at the missing victims,” N said softly.

Youngjae was still confused and highly sceptical, but more than anything he was curious. What was N and Jongup’s insistence on finding out their identities? He didn’t question it. Now that he was in, getting to those files would be much easier.

“Here,” he muttered. Jongup appeared by N’s side and they turned the screen towards themselves so that he couldn’t see. In response, Junhong stood up and went to where Hyuk was sitting. With his arms crossed, Junhong sat on the table and hung his head.

As Jongup and N looked, there was a sense of expectation in the air, as if something grand was about to happen, a natural disaster maybe. Youngjae was on pins and needles, waiting for some sort of reaction, a revelation perhaps. And yes, they seemed shocked, but no such reaction came.

N just shook his head and stepped back. He brought one hand up and covered his mouth and held onto the edge of the table with the other.

“I guess now we know,” Jongup muttered and pushed the laptop back to Youngjae.

“And what do we know exactly?” Junhong called from his spot on the table. “That they were friends? What kind of knowledge is that, huh?”

“Junhongie,” Himchan said and reached for the younger, trying to calm him down.

Junhong yanked his hand away and stood up. “It’s a useless piece of information, that’s what it is,” he said and locked eyes with Youngjae.

Shit. He really didn’t want to be a part of this.

Youngjae tried to shake his head subtly, begging Junhong not to do whatever he was about to do, but the younger was already making his way over to the laptop.

Junhong squinted at the screen. “Let me make your job easier for you,” he snapped and pointed at the picture that was on display.

It was a tired teenage boy with dark hair that fell into his equally dark eyes. High cheekbones and a thin face, a bruise covered with make up on his jaw.

“That one’s dead.” After saying that Junhong stormed out of the room.

“For fuck’s sake,” Himchan muttered and stood up to go after him. He didn’t look back nor did he say goodbye.

Youngjae followed Himchan out with his gaze, then turned to look at the screen again. He looked at the boy in the photo, then at the information below. His eyes passed over Thai that he couldn’t read and settled on the transcription.

_Kunpimook Bhuwakul._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always accept and encourage comments and thoughts, perhaps what you think is going on or would happen, but I gotta say for this one I'm really nervous so please don't be too hard on me. It's an important chapter that brings a lot of things forward so it's easy to mess up but I hope I did it well enough.


	6. V

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you afraid of?” Junhong mumbled.
> 
> “Nothing! Nothing.” Youngjae curled in on himself and pressed his forehead to his knees. “The past can’t hurt me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's my one year anniversary with BAP and you know what that's goshdarn insane. It's been a year since I first watched the One Shot MV, when the initial idea for this fic was born. A whole ass year of development and unsureness before I decided "fuck it I'll write it"
> 
> _Trigger warning: brief panic attack_

The ride home was quite unpleasant, but thankfully Junhong and Jongup argued only halfway.

Since Youngjae was blindfolded again, he had no choice but to listen to their argument.

“Why do you keep doing that?” Jongup was saying, not quite yelling, but very loudly.

“What? Doing what? Pointing out the facts?” Junhong replied, equally as upset. Youngjae had never before heard him shout.

“No, I mean—Why are you being so immature? Why are you still afraid if he’s dead? You said it yourself!”

“And why do you live in the past?” Junhong snapped. “You knew he was dead even before you asked Youngjae for the files, so why did you ask!? You only wasted everyone’s time!”

Youngjae would have rolled his eyes were they not closed under the fabric. He hated being dragged into their stupid fight, although he was glad not to have anything more to do with the whole thing.

When they went quiet, Youngjae realized that as annoying as it had been, the fight was at least some sort of entertainment. This time, however he knew better than to talk to annoy them.

He only had the blindfold taken off when the car was parked. Jongup shoved him out and went into the house before anyone else.

Youngjae stood in front of Himchan and lifted his hands. “We’re home. These go off as well?”

Himchan sighed and dived the small key out of his pocket. Youngjae took note of the fact that Himchan was the key-bearer.

Once his hands were free, Youngjae stretched and threw a glance behind himself. He caught glimpse of Yongguk leaving the car and immediately felt infuriated. No particular reason – perhaps it was the repressed anger from the course of four days.

Youngjae let Himchan push him forward, but he purposely dragged his feet, trying to stay behind. Good thing Himchan was patient or his plan wouldn’t have worked. He waited for the place to clear out as much as possible, meaning he waited for Daehyun and Junhong to go upstairs before he acted.

Him and Yongguk were now close enough. Youngjae elbowed Himchan in the chest, just to throw him off, then kicked him in the gut for good measure. Then he turned and stepped towards Yongguk.

The older was quick to react, ducking when Youngjae tried to reach for him. But Youngjae didn’t stumble, rather he used one missed opportunity to create another. Before Yongguk straightened up again Youngjae took the back of his shirt and brought his knee up, knocking the breath out of Yongguk.

 Himchan was at that point well recovered and on his way towards the two. Before he reached them, Youngjae had Yongguk in a choke hold. He stepped back, tugging the older along.

“I just want to talk,” Youngjae said softly, although it was very tempting to squeeze the life out of Yongguk then and there.

Of course that wouldn’t be possible. Himchan may not have been the best fighter but he wasn’t helpless. And Youngjae was unarmed while both of them were.

Speaking of which, Himchan remembered to draw his gun, but of course it was useless at that point. It was quite convenient that Yongguk was taller than Youngjae and covered him nicely.

“What do you want?” When he spoke, Yongguk didn’t sound angry, let alone scared. He sounded tired.

“I want my room,” Youngjae spat.

Himchan’s posture relaxed a fraction, out of surprise. He blinked, looking to Yongguk for an explanation.

“N had said that they might need me again,” Youngjae said, glaring at Himchan. “Which means that I’ll be staying here, presumably alive, for a while longer. I have no intention of staying in that rotten ass basement, so.” He raised his eyebrows at Himchan.

“You’re in no position to make demands,” Himchan said sharply, once again tensing up.

“Weird, that’s what Yongguk-ssi said too. But you know I’m not gonna give up. I can do this all day,” Youngjae cooed.

The weird thing was that Yongguk was hardly struggling. Perhaps Youngjae had underestimated his exhaustion or, the option that was quite insulting to Youngjae, he simply didn’t care.

“Let me go,” Yongguk said in a monotone voice.

“Not until—“

“You’ll get your fucking room,” Yongguk said with slight irritation in his tone; the most emotion he displayed so far. “Let me go, I have more important things to worry about than your comfort.”

“You better do it or I’m gonna make a mess,” Youngjae hummed, not letting go yet.

“Oh, what will you do?” Himchan asked almost laughing at the silliness of Youngjae’s statement.

“Your guards are unreliable and so are your locks,” Youngjae said simply. Which was true.

The security of the house itself and around it may have been impenetrable, but that old door sure as hell wasn’t. After all, it wasn’t the door or the guards that were keeping Youngjae in, it was mostly Nahyun.

Himchan seemed to realize this also. Youngjae may not have been able to escape, but getting out of the basement and making a shitshow seemed possible enough.

He sighed and lowered his gun. “Are we really doing this?”

Yongguk shrugged.

Youngjae let go of him slowly. He was hardly phased. He fixed his coat and shirt, starting to walk away.

This nonchalance was something Youngjae couldn’t handle. One last wave of rage washed over him and he reached for Yongguk, turning him around forcefully. Youngjae tried to punch him but Yongguk dodged and grabbed him by the arm and kicked him in the chest.

The impact was enough to make Youngjae fall back and slide across the floor a few centimetres.

“You’re being ridiculous,” Yongguk said before walking away.

* * *

With how furious he was that night, Youngjae was surprised he even fell asleep. Unfortunately, he was back at the basement. He thought he would go crazy in there, no matter how spacious it was he felt the walls closing in on him, the darkness suffocating him.

It reminded him far too much of the space he was kept in when Jackson had kidnapped him, where he felt his sanity slowly slipping away until he was picked up.

_“Luck is on your side! Your friends are coming for you.”_

Youngjae was slipping away again. Not even Daehyun visited; he had nothing to keep his mind off of the memories.

 

He dreamed of Jackson’s gang, how they had fun filming the video for Dobong-gu. The memories were vivid, too vivid. Youngjae could nearly feel it all again, his jaw cracking, his shattered collarbone and caved ribs. He saw and heard it clearly, them laughing at Youngjae’s attempts to fight back.

_“Cute.”_

They called him that a lot.

It used to be a compliment for Youngjae, but now it just made him sick.

 

He woke up with a sore throat. The humiliating realization hit him – he’d screamed in his sleep. And he realized that perhaps it was good he hadn’t gotten his room right away.

It took them a good two days to come and get him. Youngjae was quite relieved that it was Junhong who came to take him upstairs.

“We just had to make a few adjustments,” the younger was saying casually as if he was talking about redecorating.

Youngjae knew better. He was not surprised to see that the door had a few more locks than the last time he’d been there. And as bizarre as it was, the barred window also didn’t surprise him.

Youngjae did not expect to feel nostalgia as he glanced around the room. He didn’t expect to be saddened by how empty it seemed, unused with all of his belongings removed.

He really tried to talk himself out of it, he tried hard, but he lost the battle in the end. The past haunted him too much and he didn’t want to risk it again.

“Junhongie?”

The younger stopped at the door and slowly turned around. He seemed wary, perhaps the nickname startled him. “Yeah…?”

“You aren’t… Forbidden from seeing me, are you?” Youngjae asked slowly.

Junhong took a moment to think about the answer. He glanced back out the door as if checking if they were alone. “We haven’t outright talked about it, but I imagine the hyungs wouldn’t be happy about it,” he said hesitantly. “Why?”

“Just… I suppose I could use some company in here.”

The silence stretched out as yet again Junhong thought about his reply. “They wouldn’t want me to get comfortable with you. And I think I wouldn’t want that either.”

Youngjae raised an eyebrow. “Because you’re an easy target?”

Junhong gritted his teeth and tightened his grip on the doorknob.

“I don’t think you are, but that’s what you’re implying,” Youngjae added.

“Sorry, hyung. You can’t be trusted, not with what you’ve done,” Junhong said quietly.

“You sound like you rehearsed that answer,” Youngjae said, but before Junhong could snap at him he continued, “However, my intentions aren’t nearly as sinister as you probably think.” He crossed his arms. “Junhongie, do you know how easy it is to go crazy in solitary confinement?”

Junhong frowned. He likely couldn’t figure out what connection this had to their conversation. “No…”

“It’s really fucking easy. Of course it depends on the conditions and the individual, and it isn’t impossible to recover, but it does take a tool on the brain and the senses. I don’t know if you realize, but that’s more or less what you’re doing to me.”

Junhong seemed petrified when it finally clicked.

“I hope you understand now that I didn’t ask for my room because I’m spoiled or because I’m planning to _get comfortable_. It’s just that in a dark basement with no windows it’s difficult to keep track of time. One starts to think too much and sees things.” Youngjae shrugged. “It wasn’t that bad I suppose, not with Daehyun taking me out once a day and coming to hang out every now and then, but I’m just saying.”

Junhong stayed quiet, averting his gaze. He was still thinking, clearly trying to find the best way to respond to this.

“I’m not trying to guilt trip you, Junhongie. It would just be nice to have someone to talk to or at least a book to read. And you’re the only one who I don’t want to rip apart at the moment, so.”

Junhong’s gaze snapped up and he took a step back. He was hesitant, clearly shaken up by the story but still careful. “I… I’ll think about it.” With that he was gone.

 

As Youngjae was left to ponder, one fact became evident. It was good news and bad news at the same time and he found it ridiculously ironic.

He would not be spending that much time in this confinement. He would only be there as long as N and his buddies needed him. This was good news.

The bad news was that once they didn’t need him anymore, he would be dead.

And so Youngjae started contemplating the idea of escape much more persistently than before. Helping them with their little mission was excuse enough to keep himself alive, hell he could even pretend to be invested, but at one point or another running away would become crucial.

So he thought. Getting out of the house on his own was hardly possible because of Nahyun. Her security was impeccable and she was ruthless. She wouldn’t hesitate to shoot on sight, not even if it got her into trouble for killing their source of information. Other than that she was an excellent shot, she could, if she wanted, just paralyze Youngjae while keeping him alive.

Furthermore, excluding Nahyun and the occasional teen guards that came and went, the house had five nearly permanent residents. Nearly all the time at least one of them was home.

All of this made it impossible to escape from the house.

However…

Were he to be taken out, say, for a meeting where he’d be needed to provide with some sort of information, Youngjae was sure he would be able to snatch a chance to get away.

And yes, he was quite angry with himself for not having thought of it earlier. This way he would have to wait for the next opportunity. In his defence, he had many other things to worry about and also had no idea where he was even being taken.

At this point in time however, he knew where he would be going and who would have the key to the handcuffs that he’d be wearing.

It would be risky considering the fact he would be in the company of ten men who definitely wouldn’t hesitate to put a bullet through him, but unfortunately he would have to leave things to chance and hope to get a good opportunity.

This frustrated Youngjae of course; he hated leaving things to chance and not having a solid plan and he didn’t want his life to depend on faith, but at the moment he could do no better.

He had to wait.

 

There were a couple of things making his wait better. Firstly, Junhong seemed to have made up his mind about visiting Youngjae and the decision was in Youngjae’s favour. They mostly hung out during the day, either watching something or chatting about stupid things, though Junhong couldn’t quite relax even as they did so. Youngjae knew that he was afraid to slip up.

Secondly, Daehyun also kept coming over, usually drunk, usually at night. He whined about his meds not working, about how he just wanted to sleep. With this Youngjae couldn’t help him. He could no less make Daehyun’s insomnia go away than Daehyun could make Youngjae’s nightmares go away.

And thirdly, Youngjae kept himself occupied by trying to figure out Daehyun’s secret.

He didn’t have much to go off aside from things he caught accidentally and a lot of assumptions. He’d been suspicious ever since the meeting, but there were a few things that really tipped him off.

One night Daehyun and him were lying on Youngjae’s bed, downing a bottle of something from Yongguk’s liquor cabinet.

Youngjae wasn’t even listening to Daehyun’s drunken rambles, he was only thinking about how angry Yongguk would be when he found out. It made him smile to himself like an idiot.

And then something Daehyun said caught Youngjae’s attention.

“... And I just wanna go _home_ but I _can’t_ because of Jongup storming off the other day and the hyungs won’t be happy if I bring it up...”

Youngjae shifted, lifting his head off Daehyun’s shoulder. “Why—“ He got dizzy and needed a moment to stabilize himself. “Jongup stormed off? Why?”

Daehyun shook his head, which turned out not to be a good idea because he also got dizzy from it. “Yeah, he—him and Junhongie have been fighting. Maybe it’s better that he’s gone,” Daehyun slurred.

For a second Youngjae’s mind cleared up enough for him to say sharply, “Jongup would never hurt Junhong.”

Yeah, maybe Jongup hated Youngjae and threatened to kill him every other day, but this much he knew. He loved Junhong.

Daehyun frowned. “Wha—No, I know that. I just think they both need to calm down.”

Youngjae nodded absently. “Does their fight have anything to do with Kunpimook Bhuwakul?”

“Stop that,” Daehyun muttered.

“Fine, fine. We don’t have to talk about that. Let’s talk about something else.” Youngjae yawned and flopped back against Daehyun. “Tell me why you wanna go home.”

Daehyun rolled his eyes. “Because it’s my fucking apartment and I need to get laid.”

Youngjae huffed and closed his eyes. “You’re not that type hyung.”

“What do you know about my type?” If he hadn’t been so shitfaced perhaps Daehyun would have sounded angry.

“I just know that this... This thing you’re selling... Different person every night, that’s not you,” Youngjae muttered, once again yawning.

“You know shit, Yoo Youngjae,” Daehyun muttered.

 

He was woken up early in the morning by a hushed voice outside the door. In the gravely silence of the house, Youngjae could hear the voice clearly no matter how soft.

However, his mind was still asleep so he wasn’t quite registering what he was hearing.

“... I know, I’m sorry. We’ll make it work, we always do. I know... I know. I want that too, but it’s just not possible at the moment. I can get out for a day... Two maybe? But they need me here right now. I’m really sorry. I’ll call you. I’m sorry love.”

The last thing Youngjae remembered before falling back asleep was Daehyun coming back into the room and putting a blanket over him.

 

Youngjae was woken up again after noon by Junhong who’d brought food and his laptop; watching dramas was the safest activity for the two since it left little room for wider discussion, therefore prevented Junhong from saying something he shouldn’t.

On Youngjae’s insisting they mostly stuck to the crime and mystery genre because Youngjae desperately needed something to solve.

Which reminded him... Somewhere along the way he trailed off from the drama he was watching and thought back to the bit of the conversation he had overheard. That was the first time its meaning hit him, since he had been too drunk and too tired to make any sense of it that morning.

It meant that Youngjae’s suspicions were correct. Daehyun was indeed dating someone and hiding it from everyone else.

 

He used this to keep himself awake at night and avert his thoughts from Jackson’s gang or Yongguk. He tried to figure out who was it that Daehyun was dating.

But immediately as he tried to eliminate any possible solutions from within the group he hit a wall. If it was someone from the group, why would he be hiding it? It had to be someone outside and since Youngjae didn’t know many of Daehyun’s friends, it was impossible to determine. It could have been anymore. And yet if it was some random person the same question stood; why would he need to hide? To maintain his heart-breaker image? It was unlikely.

In fact, it was much more likely that he was putting up that whole act to hide his relationship, not the other way around.

Youngjae wasn’t a quitter but at the moment he truly didn’t have enough information. He sighed and stared at the ceiling where the lights from the street outside his window made shadows dance. The traffic light turned red and filled the room with its faint hue.

Red. Youngjae closed his eyes. Red. He thought back to Ravi’s flame coloured hair, to the clicking of his dice. Red. The red handkerchief Hyuk had worn around his neck.

Youngjae wasn’t sure why, but one particular scene that stuck with him now played out in his head. It was just a second, so subtle and quick that he himself had barely caught it.

But he remembered it vividly, like he remembered everything else; Hyuk’s nervousness that dissolved when they came through the door, him running Daehyun’s way and stopping to give a sharp bow, before pushing past him to greet Junhong.

Of course. How had it not occurred to him before?

Suddenly it made sense why Daehyun would have to hide his relationship. Despite the fact that everyone else seemed to be pretty good friends, there was a certain tension at least among the leaders. They were _supposed_ to hate each other.

Youngjae’s lips stretched into a smirk as he complimented his own intellect.

 

The next day when Daehyun walked in he wasn’t carrying any alcohol, only a pack of cigarettes and a bag of chips.

He threw the chips on the bed beside Youngjae as he entered. Youngjae took the bag, eyeing Daehyun cautiously.

“You’ve found another way to poison yourself,” he remarked.

Daehyun grimaced. “I need a break after what happened the other night. Also hyung found out I stole from him.”

Youngjae tried to suppress the self satisfied smile that was threatening to appear on his lips. “Was he mad?”

“Hardly. He’s really out of it these days.” As Daehyun moved to sit on the bed, Youngjae placed his foot on his butt and pushed him off.

“Your ass is free to go to the window and stay there if you’re going to do that shit indoors,” he said sharply, glaring at Daehyun.

Daehyun made a rather childish mocking expression at Youngjae, but did as told anyway. He sat on the windowsill and lit a cigarette. While he relaxed that way, Youngjae figured it was as good time as any to bring his observations into the light.

“So,” he spoke up. “How long have you been dating Hyuk?”

Daehyun dropped his cigarette right onto his arm and yelped in pain, shaking it off. He looked sorrowfully after it as it fell out the window. With a sigh, Daehyun took out another one. He spoke only after it was lift and between his lips.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Calmly.

“I mean it was pretty obvious,” Youngjae continued as if Daehyun had said absolutely nothing. “I know you were trying to keep a low profile, but seriously? Not acknowledging each other the entire time? Not one word, not even one _glance_ his way? You might as well have canoodled him in front of everyone.”

Daehyun audibly cracked his knuckles. “Stop it.”

“I know it’s difficult, but you’re trying too hard. Oh, and your excuse about going home is paper thin. Also, I think the others are not as stupid as you think, I’m pretty sure they know about it by now, but if you really want to hide it I suggest—“

“I said _stop_! Seriously, do you ever mind your own fucking business?”

Youngjae sat up and looked at Daehyun under the brow. “Hyung. I am in this fucking room at least 23 hours a day. What did you _expect_? _I’m bored_. I need something to think about. And honestly this is the least harmful thing to keep me busy. There are a number of other issues I could have chosen to look into, like that whole thing about Kunpimook Bhuwakul—“

“He went by BamBam so stop using his name,” Daehyun snapped.

“Fine, BamBam. I’m really curious to know how he’s connected to Junhongie and Jongup, or I could be figuring out why Himchan hates N so much or what the fuck is Yongguk’s problem—“

“You’re his problem, you moron! Did your last brain cell die when you shoved that badge in his face? I know you’re not stupid so you’re either pretending to be or you’re in severe motherfucking denial. You know he actually—Never mind.”

The atmosphere changed quickly. Youngjae’s hands were suddenly shaking, itching to hit something. Perhaps it was the lack of space that made his blood boil and his heart beat faster because _he did not care_. Talking about Yongguk couldn’t get him this angry.

He stood up from the bed with his fists clenched. Daehyun stood up from the windowsill and walked over, cigarette still in hand.

“If you tell anyone—“

“I bet my ass they already know,” Youngjae cut in. “You’re underestimating their intellect.”

“ _I don’t care!_ ”

Youngjae flinched. Daehyun rarely ever raised his voice in such manner. He yelled a lot, but it was all good fun.

“I don’t care,” Daehyun repeated. “If you tell anyone I swear to God I’ll kill you. See if N or Yongguk or anyone else will stop me.”

He pushed pass Youngjae with a petty nudge to the shoulder.

Daehyun hadn’t even yelled that loudly but Youngjae’s ears were ringing. He lost balance quickly; in no time he was on his knees trying to remember how to breathe.

“Hyung...”

The voice barely reached him. Youngjae couldn’t hear anything over the sound of his own heartbeat and the pained noises that were ripping his lungs.

Out of nowhere, he felt himself being brought into an upright position. There were suddenly hands on his knees and a voice somewhere in front of him. Youngjae blinked hard while trying to focus on it.

Four, eight, seven. He was pretty sure he’d remembered it wrong.

Youngjae pushed Junhong away and wiped his eyes. “I’m fine!” He did not sound fine.

Junhong didn’t let himself be swayed. He stayed by Youngjae’s side until he was breathing normally and no longer shaking.

“Do you need anything?” Junhong asked quietly.

Youngjae hugged his knees and curled up. He shook his head. “No.”

“If you need to talk—“

“ _No_.”

A pause. Youngjae knew that Junhong didn’t like to see others suffering. His usual tactics included cuddling for the soul, but since Youngjae was currently refusing physical contact the younger didn’t know what to do.

“What are you afraid of?” Junhong mumbled.

“Nothing! Nothing.” Youngjae curled in on himself and pressed his forehead to his knees. “The past can’t hurt me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To that one person who asked for romance/drama: here you go, I hope you enjoyed <3


	7. Run for Cover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yongguk, who was at the wheel, asked no questions, just slammed on the gas pedal; but instead of driving away, which one might consider the logical option, he drove right at the blockade that was slowly forming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guESS WHO PUSHED THROUGH THE ART BLOCK AND MADE A WHOLE ASS UPDATE
> 
>   _Trigger warnings: blood, panic attacks_

The next time Youngjae was alone in the backseat. Junhong had moved to the front with Himchan and Jongup wasn’t with them. He hadn’t come home and was getting there on his own.

The procedure was the same as last time, no matter how stupid Youngjae found it. He wasn’t exactly in the position to complain.

But this time Youngjae was much more alert. As soon as the blindfold was off, he looked around the building for best possible exists, he watched where Himchan kept the key, he took note of how armed all five of them plus the guards scattered around the building were.

It wasn’t impossible, but it would take enormous amounts of luck. Youngjae hated relying on luck.

The first thing Youngjae noticed upon entering the conference hall was that there was one person there unfamiliar to him.

He was a tall blonde dressed in white and if you concentrated you could see the bandages under the fine fabric of his shirt.

As if that wasn’t a giveaway enough of who the guy was, his head was also rested on Ravi’s shoulder.

Leo, the fiancé.

Youngjae averted his gaze and instead looked for Daehyun. He had to admit, he was curious to see how Daehyun would act after the talk they’d had.

Not much seemed to have changed. Him and Hyuk only shared a formal greeting before parting ways.

Youngjae huffed. He went to the spot that he was given the last time. Bin was already sat in his, opposite of Youngjae.

When he thudded down on the chair, Bin just looked up from his laptop briefly then went back to whatever he was doing.

Everyone started to take their places even though they were still missing two people.

Ken’s voice was audible even before he entered the room.

 _“—I don’t care! If he shows his stupid fucking face at any of my establishments ever again, I’m going to kick his ass right back to Hong Kong – in_ pieces _!”_

The door swung open. Ken left N at the doorway and took his place opposite of Daehyun.

“Something wrong?” Daehyun asked. He shouldn’t have.

Ken slammed his fist on the table. “ _Of course_ something’s wrong! I’ll tie ribbons out of Jackson Wang’s guts!”

Jongup whistled.

“Right on,” Youngjae said.

“I’m afraid no one’s ripping out anyone’s intestines anytime soon. Ken, take a walk,” N said while sitting down.

“But—“

“You need to cool down.” N’s voice was sharp. He wasn’t even looking at the younger.

Ken stood up suddenly and knocked the chair over. He didn’t go back to pick it up.

Yongguk sighed melodically.

“Right. Let’s talk,” N said calmly. “Youngjae, I don’t think you’ve met Leo.”

Youngjae threw a glance at the blonde. Leo gave him a distasteful look and a dismissive nod as a greeting.

Youngjae smiled. “Well aren’t you a stuck-up little—“

“Shut up,” Yongguk cut him off. “Tell us what happened with Ken.”

Youngjae nearly hit him that time. How Yongguk managed to completely ignore him while perfectly keeping him in line was maddening.

“Do you want the long or the short version?” N asked, a tired smile playing on his lips.

“The most helpful one,” Yongguk replied.

“Jackson infiltrated one of Ken’s casinos. Apparently it was just another stop of his – a message.”

“A message?” Daehyun asked, frowning.

N waved his hand dismissively. “Nothing unexpected. He suggests we give up our territory before he takes it with force.”

Daehyun tapped his fingers against the table. “Did he take any hostages?”

“No, he just made a mess of the place,” Bin informed.

“And injured Siyeon,” Ravi added.

Youngjae wanted to ask who Siyeon is, but figured he would either get ignored or the reply would be beyond useless. He kept quiet and listened.

Jongup leaned in, resting his elbows on the table. “That doesn’t make any sense. He isn’t serious about his own goal. If he really wanted you out, wouldn’t he be cutting off your profits and messing up your businesses?”

“He _is_ doing that, in his own stupid way,” Bin muttered.

Hyuk yawned. “Maybe the police patrols scared them...”

“Police patrols?” Junhong frowned. “What police patrols?”

Bin returned the frown, finally looking up from his laptop. “There have been increased police patrols in the area... You haven’t noticed?”

“Everything is running as usual,” Junhong said.

“Looks like they just really want to take _you_ down,” Himchan spoke for the first time since the briefing started. He wasn’t looking at anyone in particular.

“All in its time,” N said. Youngjae wasn’t sure, but something seemed to have shifted in his tone; he almost sounded angry. It was odd considering how collected he always presented himself to be.

“Jackson is just playing with us,” Leo said. “I don’t doubt the message was serious, but he doesn’t seem to have a plan.”

“Or,” Youngjae said. “He wants someone else to do the dirty work.”

N raised his eyebrows. “Elaborate.”

Youngjae shrugged one shoulder. “Just a hunch. I might be onto something because...” He threw a glance around the table and sighed, going for an uninterested look. “All that systematic plotting is not Jackson’s style. He’s chaotic, reckless and _stupid_. This, what he’d done at Ken’s casino is the one thing so far that actually looks like something the Jackson I know would do.”

“What are you saying?” Jongup questioned but when they locked eyes it seemed that he already knew where Youngjae was going.

“I’m saying,” his tone was steady and slow, “That someone is advising him. And, I might be taking a huge leap here, but it seems to be someone who knows you well.”

A silence fell over the table as this suggestion sank in.

“No,” Bin snapped. “I keep our information _very_ safe. We’re _extremely_ careful with our recruits and whom we trust with what, so you better not be suggesting what I think you are—”

“I’m just stating my observations,” Youngjae dismissed. “Aren’t I the detective here?”

“Binnie,” N spoke, twirling his pen. “It might not be someone new.”

The younger flicked his gaze to his leader, frowning.

“It might be someone we let in long ago and if that’s the case, it’s not your fault. It’s ours,” N continued.

“You’re stupid,” Junhong muttered. “He’s dead.”

Everyone flinched at the sound of cracking glass.

Even though they’d said they’d stopped drinking during meetings, water definitely wasn’t off limits.

The glass he’d been holding had snapped in Jongup’s grip.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Daehyun reacted.

Jongup looked to Junhong, rage and disappointment mixed in his contorted features. Blood trickled down his palm, dripping onto the white table.

“ _Why_?” He whispered, which was the last thing Youngjae expected Jongup to do when angry. Whisper.

Junhong only looked away.

Youngjae had never before reacted that way to the sight of blood. He was usually completely fine with it, but now it triggered something, made him think of the memories he’d been able to suppress and bury over three years. They came rushing back, leaving him breathless.

He started fighting the restraints on his wrists, breathing quickening.

The attention of the group was divided, some worrying about Jongup’s injury, and some worrying over Youngjae’s sudden inability to draw breaths normally.

Himchan immediately stood, trying to reach for Youngjae.

“ _Don’t touch me!_ ” The younger yelled, trying to back up which wasn’t the best option either seeing as Yongguk was behind him.

Yongguk took Youngjae by the shoulders, managing to keep him in place. “Fucking—Himchan?”

He nodded, “I’ve got this. Jae, let’s go.”

It was a struggle but Himchan managed to get a hold of Youngjae and drag him outside.

And Youngjae kept struggling, trying to get away.

 _“I can’t breathe,”_ he kept saying.

Himchan’s hand was firm on his shoulder, keeping him steady. “You _can_. Look at me, Youngjae. It’s alright.”

It didn’t take him long to settle down. Perhaps because Youngjae was fussing more than necessary...

He wasn’t completely faking. The trigger had been real, but it wasn’t as bad as other times. In no time Youngjae’s mind was clear and he could breathe again, but he still pretended to be upset, lulling Himchan into the role of his protector.

Youngjae looked up, blinking away tiny tears that he’d managed to muster. “Hyung... I’m sorry.”

Himchan shook his head. “It’s okay...”

He didn’t understand.

Youngjae straightened up and elbowed Himchan between the ribs. This knocked the breath out of him and Youngjae reached for his gun. Himchan leaned against the wall for balance, looking up at Youngjae in rage and disappointment.

He had the barrel pressed to Himchan’s forehead.

“Oh yeah? Go ahead. If you shoot me now they’ll hear you.”

Youngjae contemplated it. But in the last second something buried in the back of his consciousness screamed at him that he didn’t want to see Himchan dead. Even though he’d become aware of the fact the only way for this band of lowlifes to get justice was in death, Youngjae couldn’t do it.

He simply didn’t want to see Himchan dead.

He twisted the gun in his hand and used it to knock Himchan out. Youngjae watched as he tumbled, heart beating fast.

Now was his chance, and he’d have to be quick.

He knelt down to search Himchan’s pockets. He was quick to find both the small key that would get him out of the handcuffs and the keys to his BMW.

Youngjae fumbled a little until he managed to get the handcuffs off, constantly glancing back at the direction of the conference hall. The door stayed shut.

As soon as the metal rattled onto the ground next to Himchan, Youngjae ran down the hall, getting the fuck away from the room. The good thing was that that floor seemed to be deserted.

He knew he couldn’t use the elevator or go out the front door, but he’d already taken a good look at the hallway to see where the nearest fire escape was. That’s where Youngjae was headed.

He opened the window and started descending the rusted stairs. He jumped down from the last platform, winded and panting but he knew he couldn’t stop for a second. He quickly figured out where he was and where to go to reach Himchan’s parked car.

He stayed hidden behind the corner, planning his exact route. He’d have to be quick and careful not to get noticed, since the cars were parked at the front. He took a few steady, deep breaths before he darted towards the black car.

He got inside, tossed the gun onto the passenger seat – it slid down onto the ground – didn’t even buckle his belt and started the car, eager to get as further away from the building as possible.

His heart raced as he drove away, not daring to yet think that he’d made it. He wouldn’t settle until he was at the police station, reunited with his friends.

_With his girlfriend._

The thought of Yoonsun brought tears to his eyes and Youngjae started sobbing, hands shaking as he gripped the wheel. The tears made his vision blurry, but he kept driving nonetheless.

He would later figure out where he was, what was important now was to get away.

 

Youngjae dared stop after an hour of driving. Then he took the time to check his surroundings and find his way back to the police station – not the nearest one but the one where he worked, where his friends were, where the remains of his old life still existed, hopefully.

He nearly cried in relief when he reached it. He parked crookedly, grazing the BMW in the process. He didn’t care. He needed to find his friends.

He ignored his colleague at the front desk and immediately headed for Sumin’s office, hoping and praying to find her there.

Youngjae must have been lucky that day. He found not only Sumin, but Minjae with her at her office.

They both stood when they spotted him, eyes wide with disbelief.

Minjae’s disbelief quickly melted away into relief and she threw herself at Youngjae, trapping him in a bone crushing hug.

“We were so worried,” she was saying, holding him close. “I’m sorry oppa, I’m sorry we let this happen, after everything you’ve been through, I’m so sorry...”

Youngjae couldn’t accept this apology as he recalled how everything had unwound. Eunae had offered to take him home because she wanted to make sure he got there safely. Eunae, whom he failed to protect or avenge.

Her death and his captivity had been a direct result of his actions, especially those three years ago. The realization materialized itself into the form of a reflection; and then it cracked, broken shards falling out of the frame as Youngjae felt himself breaking.

With that realization, Minjae’s apology seemed kind of silly, actually.

And yet he couldn’t speak. He wasn’t ready to unveil all that he’d hidden. He trembled in her arms and broke down crying, finally after weeks of pretending to be untouchable in front of the gangs. The most crushing part was that even with all his efforts, his mask had faltered on numerous occasions.

Youngjae truly loathed himself in every possible meaning of the word.

At some point during their cry session a weight was added to the hug – Sumin, embracing her two sobbing friends in hopes of soothing them both.

“Come on,” she said after the hug had dispersed. “We’ll make you some tea and you—god you need some rest. Minjae call Yoonsun and tell her Youngjae’s okay. If you need anything—”

“I need to tell you what I’ve found out,” Youngjae immediately shot, but he did take Sumin up on the offer of sitting down.

He knew that helping now would in no way lessen the impact of his mistakes from the past, but at least for his own conscience, Youngjae had to try.

“Are you sure?” Sumin asked, frowning as she sat down opposite of him. “You don’t seem...”

“I have to tell you now. They’re after me, no doubt,” Youngjae said and glanced over at Minjae. “I’ll have some tea though, please.”

She nodded and went out.

“You’ll be safe here,” Sumin assured. “Go ahead, then.”

Youngjae took a deep breath, trying to recall everything important he’d heard from their two meetings and few encounters. “Alright so... Dobong-gu is working with another faction, it might be a stretch but they seem to be the ones who helped them get out of prison. They’re working together to take down Jackson’s gang – remember Jackson and how I failed to catch his band?”

“That wasn’t your fault,” Sumin said steadily.

Youngjae shook his head, clenching his fist. “It was. The plan didn’t work, they got away. Anyhow, they weren’t a big threat back then but they are now and that’s what Dobong-gu and Nowon-gu are doing. Apparently Jackson is causing ruckus to draw our attention – but whatever the fuck they’re doing we need to catch them _all_ and this time there’s no room for mistakes.”

Youngjae hadn’t realized, but he’d been subconsciously pressing down on his knuckles even after they’d cracked. Sumin reached over the table and took his hands in her own to settle him.

“Listen,” Youngjae said, looking up at her. “You need to make sure Yoonsun’s safe. _Please_. I can’t let anyone else suffer because of me.”

Sumin frowned. “Yoonsun? What does she have to do with this?”

Youngjae froze. He didn’t have a good enough answer, not one that wouldn’t bring to attention everything he’d been trying to hide, anyway. As he stared helplessly at Sumin, the door opened. Minjae walked over and placed the cup of tea on the table, then taking a seat on the armrest of the chair Youngjae was in.

She placed a protective hand on his head. “What’s going on?” She asked, looking between the two.

“Youngjae,” Sumin said cautiously, letting go of his hands and withdrawing. “Why is Dobong-gu after you?”

“Because,” Youngjae said irritably. “I sold them to the police. Come on, Sumin it’s easy. To them I’m a traitor!”

She didn’t seem convinced. “What does Yoonsun have to do with all this?” She repeated the previous question.

Youngjae felt the beating of his own heart in his throat. A cool feeling crept up the base of his spine all the way to the back of his neck. It was the feeling of not being safe anymore and it filled Youngjae with dread – if he wasn’t safe here, he wasn’t safe anywhere.

“Bang Yongguk threatened her,” he said at last.

“ _Why_?” Sumin pressed.

“Because he wanted to get through to me,” Youngjae answered. Keep eye contact, keep your voice steady. He couldn’t falter lest he looked suspicious.

“Why you?”

“I told you already—”

“But why would they care?” Sumin snapped and Youngjae winced.

Minjae wrapped her arms around him. “That’s enough! Hasn’t he been through enough already? Give him a break!”

Youngjae wanted to cling to her, but he knew he didn’t deserve the comfort. Minjae didn’t understand. She trusted him too much.

“Because I was a part of the group,” Youngjae said, voice growing impossibly flat. “Yongguk wanted revenge and...” He trailed off.

“And!?” Sumin questioned.

Youngjae flinched away from her. “He wanted my help.”

“Help with what?”

Youngjae felt Minjae pulling him closer.

“He wanted my help taking Jackson down,” Youngjae finally admitted, chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.

“Did you help?” Sumin asked sternly, her fist shaking on the desk.

Youngjae didn’t answer.

“That little bug weeks ago... That was you.” Her quiet tone was like the calm before the storm. In the next moment Sumin stood, slamming her fists to the desk. _“You should have refused! I don’t care what they threatened you with, you should have refused!”_

Minjae jumped up from her spot, promptly inserting herself between Youngjae and their supervisor.

“Stop that!” The younger yelled, shielding Youngjae completely. “It was a high stress situation and he still drags trauma from that place! He wasn’t thinking rationally, leave him alone!”

But he had been. Youngjae had been thinking very clearly when he’d decided to help the two gangs, when he’d realized that justice is brought by the individual, not by the system. He should have known that suddenly returning to the system wouldn’t go smoothly.

“There’s still something you’re hiding,” Sumin stated, ignoring Minjae completely. “Other than wanting your help, why would Bang Yongguk be looking for you? Why would he be so set on getting revenge?”

“He hates me,” Youngjae whispered.

“Why?” Sumin pushed.

“Because I left!”

“Why would he care!?”

“Stop it, unnie!” Minjae cried. “Leave him alone!”

“You don’t understand,” Sumin said, finally addressing Minjae. “He had an affair.”

Minjae winced, gaze snapping to Youngjae. “No, he didn’t,” she said, voice shaky. “Tell her, oppa. Tell her you didn’t.”

Youngjae didn’t speak. He kept his head turned away from both of them.

Minjae slowly stood up and stepped back, towards Sumin. “No...”

“It’s his fault,” Sumin spat. “This entire shitshow. Had you just done your job none of this would have happened! Eunae would still be alive!”

Youngjae gasped, covering his ears, ducking his head. He knew this. He knew Eunae’s death was his fault, but hearing it like this was more upsetting than he could have imagined.

Sumin straightened up, slowly making her way around the desk. “Yoo Youngjae, you are under arrest...”

His gaze snapped up, looking at her with wide eyes. This wasn’t happening.

But as she stated his every offense, there was yelling and gunfire from outside. All three of them looked to the window.

Few policemen were shooting at a car – the black BMW that Youngjae had arrived in – as it spun and drove away with a screeching sound from the tires.

Sumin cursed and turned around, grabbing her gun, but then she saw that Youngjae was no longer in the chair.

He’d used the second that the two were distracted to make his getaway. He locked the office from the outside, even though he knew it would only buy him a little time.

With another adrenaline rush his, near-panic attack was drowned out and he ran down the hallway, once again relying on the fire escape. At least he knew the layout of this building, unlike the one he’d previously escaped from.

This one was also much lower and he was on the street in no time. Without the car, Youngjae knew he had nearly no chance of escape, he knew he’d have to hide well and wait for an opportunity.

Yes, that seemed like a good plan. He ran down the street, turned left and—

—ran face first into a person, falling right onto his ass and nearly smacking his head on the pavement.

“Hello there,” Daehyun said with a smile before grabbing Youngjae by the collar of his shirt and slamming him up against the wall.

Daehyun was accompanied by two other people; Ken and Ravi and both looked ready to murder him,

“We gotta go!” Youngjae urged, fighting Daehyun’s grip.

“Aw, is someone after you?” He cooed mockingly, but then he heard the footsteps. His taunting expression melted away and he looked in the direction of the sound.

“Get down!” Ken yelled.

It was nearly too late.

Daehyun’s grip on Youngjae had loosened in the moment of surprise and Youngjae was free to throw himself at the elder, pushing him out of the way of the bullets.

However, as he did so there was a pain in his shoulder, much too intense to have been caused simply by the impact of the fall.

And then there was the familiar smell of blood, the warm feeling of it seeping through Youngjae’s clothes.

Daehyun looked up at Youngjae, disoriented and confused.

“You’re welcome,” the younger breathed.

Youngjae scrambled to his feet, but immediately as he got dizzy he remembered that standing up was highly inadvisable when one is being shot at. However, he then realized that they had something to hide behind – a black Ford F-150 Raptor (that must have been what Youngjae had heard in his moment of saving Daehyun) was taking the fire.

Or it would have been if there was any. Sumin and Minjae had stopped shooting as they were being joined by reinforcements.

“Step out and drop your weapons,” Sumin said in her booming _“I’m arresting you”_ voice, addressing both the four of them hiding behind the vehicle and the two people – Yongguk and Junhong – inside.

Youngjae had a feeling it wouldn’t all quite go as she’d planned.

None of them moved. She repeated the command.

And then in the far distance, on the other end of the building a booming blast went off.

“That’s Jongup!” Ravi informed and not a second later Himchan’s BMW made way through the smoke, coming to a screeching stop near the Ford.

Daehyun by then had gotten his shit together enough to pick himself up from the ground as well as get a hold of Youngjae right before he dropped back down.

He opened the door with one arm, keeping his other around Youngjae, then shoved him inside, climbing in after him. Ken followed.

Ravi darted for Himchan’s car, where Hyuk and Jongup already were.

Yongguk, who was at the wheel, asked no questions, just slammed on the gas pedal; but instead of driving away, which one might consider the logical option, he drove right at the blockade that was slowly forming – no more than two cars were currently in their way.

Ken started laughing.

Perhaps there was even a hint of a smile on Yongguk’s lips as the policemen get out of the way of the massive car. The impact was heavy, making everyone inside jump and jolt in their seats but the Ford did not stop. No, after the crash it kept going smoothly, with Himchan’s BMW following close behind.

Through the window on his side Youngjae caught glimpse of one of the police cars, smashed, spinning into a traffic light with a loud crashing noise.

Ken laughed louder in pure delight. “This is like Busan all over again!” He said, smiling at Daehyun.

He only frowned. “You and I remember Busan very differently.”

He didn’t take the time to ponder over whether this experience was anything like the one in Busan – whatever that was – because he needed to help Youngjae.

Youngjae whose head was spinning, whose vision was dotted and blurry at the edges.

“Junhongie!” Daehyun called. “He got shot, I need you at the back!”

Junhong gave a sharp nod and climbed between the two front seats to the back, while Ken in turn took the same route and settled in the front beside Yongguk. The switcharoo was dangerous as it was, more so with the speed they were going at, but the spaciousness of the car at least made it possible to carry out without any bashed heads.

“Where was he shot?” Yongguk asked, stealing a glance at the rear view mirror.

Perhaps Youngjae was imagining – very likely, considering his current state – but he thought he felt the car speed up.

“Shoulder. He’ll be fine,” Junhong informed, doing his best to apply pressure on the wound and prevent any further blood loss.

He was talking to Youngjae, but he could no longer hear. He hardly saw anything either, the only thing he saw was the light of the lamp posts, passing in a blur as they raced down the highway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) who got the The Avengers reference huh?? :D  
> 2) who knows the song in the title???  
> 


	8. VII

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I hate you,” Youngjae whispered, resting his head on Yongguk’s shoulder. “I hate you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, amIrite?

The traffic lights still seemed to be flashing as Youngjae’s eyes fluttered open. He stared and stared for who knows how long before he realized that what was before him was the ceiling, not the dark sky that he’d fallen unconscious to.

With a grunt, Youngjae did the inadvisable and sat up, throwing a glance around. He wasn’t in ‘his’ room. He was in the living room, though he couldn’t figure out why.

Later he would make the connection that he had been in need of immediate medical attention and hadn’t been taken upstairs before he’d received it; but for the time being Youngjae’s mind hardly worked.

Youngjae spotted a curled up figure on the armchair – it was Junhong, snoozing softly. He was probably supposed to be on the lookout. A slipup on his part, but Youngjae no longer had escape in mind.

It was pitch black outside and in the apartment, with only slight hints of fading of the darkness far in the distance. There were still a few hours until sunrise.

It couldn’t have been the same day when he’d tried to escape and gotten shot. They had been on their way back in the Ford when the sun had started to rise. Although, at the moment Youngjae wasn’t very concerned with what day it was.

Then he did the even less advisable thing and stood up. Unsurprisingly he immediately lost balance, having to hold onto various objects in the room – the couch, the counter, the wall – to keep himself upright.

He headed up the stairs. As he walked, he needed to keep a hand on the wall at all times for any hopes of staying upright. Youngjae dragged himself slowly but surely to the top floor, and down the hall.

He stopped in front of the heavy wooden door, watching his reflection in the smooth dark surface as he drew deep breaths from the effort of mere walking.

He pushed the door open.

The sudden intrusion at that hour startled Yongguk a tiny bit. He looked up, his expression of surprise quickly morphing into his usual blank one.

“Youngjae..”

Had his mind not been so clouded, had he not been so broken, perhaps Youngjae would have heard the mildness with which his name had been uttered.

“It’s all your fault,” he said, swaying on his feet as he was no longer holding onto anything.

Yongguk leaned back in his chair, eyes fixated on Youngjae’s frail form. He didn’t speak.

“Everything. It’s all because of you. You ruined my life. You – you ruined me.”

“Don’t try to blame your own mistakes on me,” Yongguk retorted sharply. “I wouldn’t have ever tried to hurt you if you hadn’t given me a reason to.”

Youngjae shook his head, stepping forward. Had he not been exhausted and dizzy, perhaps he would have had the strength to argue – not just with Yongguk but with himself, with his own lies.

But this way, Youngjae could only think of the ache in his heart. He leaned over the desk, vision blurring.

_“You ruined me!”_

Yongguk stood up suddenly and went around the table. While he did so, Youngjae didn’t stop talking, fixing his gaze on Yongguk as he approached,

“I had a life! I actually – I managed to forget you! I’ve spent so much time trying to forget you! When I finally did you just – show up again—You can’t do that, you can’t—”

Yongguk was just in time to catch Youngjae as he started to lose balance. His hold was surprisingly secure, his gaze was surprisingly concerned.

“I hate you,” Youngjae whispered, resting his head on Yongguk’s shoulder. “I hate you.”

As he slowly lost his grip on reality and slipped back into a state of unconsciousness, Youngjae thought how familiar being in Yongguk’s arms felt.

 

Through his loose awareness Youngjae could hear a deck of cards being played with, the smooth sound of each one passing through someone’s fingers.

His eyes fluttered open and he turned his head to see Daehyun sitting on the windowsill, bathed in sunlight.

The window was open, letting in the cool air and making the curtains sway.

“You saved my life,” Daehyun said.

Youngjae had nothing to reply with.

“Thank you,” the elder added.

And still Youngjae had nothing to say in response.

They sat like that for a while, with Daehyun playing with the deck of cards that filled the silence soothingly.

Youngjae stared at the ceiling, able to only think about one thing; how he’d lost everything.

It had been on his mind ever since his consciousness had returned.

“I have nowhere to go now,” he muttered. His quiet voice made Daehyun’s movements freeze.

“Yeah,” he said, unsure what to say that wouldn’t offend Youngjae. In contrast, Daehyun felt no need or want to console him.

“It’s all Yongguk’s fault,” Youngjae said in an even quieter voice.

“You can’t blame this on him,” Daehyun retorted promptly.

Youngjae slowly sat up, hand immediately coming up to hold onto his shoulder. “Oh, I can,” he hissed, overtaken by suppressed anger. “But you’re right, I can’t blame it _only_ on him. It’s also your fault and Jongup’s and Himchan’s. You collectively ruined my life.” As he said this, he lifted his gaze to stare at Daehyun like a hungry hyena.

But Daehyun wasn’t holding himself like prey. His posture was relaxed as ever, gaze dismissive. “You can’t blame it on us either. Did we force you to come here and start fucking shit up?”

Youngjae was at least glad that they were on the same page – because he didn’t only have the most recent events in mind. The truth was, all of this had started much earlier, when he’d first met the gang.

“No, but—”

Daehyun shrugged. “It was your own fault.”

“I was doing my fucking job! And you just had to come after me for it, you killed my friend—”

Daehyun put down the deck of cards hard, next to him on the flat surface. “Was it your job to fuck Yongguk!? You still have it all wrong! No one’s even mad at you for doing your job anymore Youngjae, cause we all know the drill! You try to catch us, we try to escape; sometimes we win, sometimes you win – that’s just how it is! But it’s your fucking fault for making it personal!”

Youngjae’s heart was racing, everything inside of him screaming to attack Daehyun for his foul words. But he stayed still, shaking, trying to stare the elder down but Daehyun didn’t budge.

“If you had actually done your fucking job properly, none of us would have cared,” he spat. “You think we don’t know how it’s done? Spies and undercover cops are supposed to go unnoticed for fuck’s sake, not sleep with the boss! That’s what led to all this, you idiot. Because you made us—” He faltered “—you made us care.”

Youngjae shouldn’t have been able to move so quickly with his recent injury. Daehyun jumped to his feet, scattering the deck of cards across the floor. Youngjae’s adrenaline and anger wore of quickly, accompanied by the pain from the sudden movement; he was overpowered easily.

Daehyun had him pinned to the ground in no time, pressing his knee hard on Youngjae’s chest.

“You’re only angry because you know I’m _right_ ,” Daehyun hissed. “It’s time you admitted some things to yourself, Youngjae. And don’t try to hit me again, you’ll hurt yourself.”

Daehyun only pulled back when Youngjae stopped squirming and trying to fight back. When he stood, he saw why the younger had gone still.

His shirt was stained red, the colour spread through the white fabric.

Daehyun sighed. “You broke the stitches. Idiot.”

He picked Youngjae up and placed him on the bed. Then he left the room to look for Himchan.

 

Nearly as soon as Daehyun left the room, Youngjae started sobbing.

He didn’t expect it all to be handed to him so plainly. He didn’t want anyone to get into his head like that, to uncover all of which he had tried so hard to bury deep down.

His sobs grew louder as Youngjae grew weaker to keep lying to himself.

He was in pain again, unable to think, the only coherent emotion being his hatred and anger for himself.

At that moment he wasn’t capable of rolling it all around his mind; the fact that the best friends he’d ever made were the people he was supposed to hate. His mind was too clouded to admit to himself that he’d never felt like he belonged anywhere until he’d joined the gang.

But then again he didn’t have to think about it all so much when it was all so apparent. Everything had already been said and all Youngjae had to do was admit it.

But not now.

Not now.

 

Youngjae heard voices outside of his room and he started trying to stifle his sobs before the door would open.

Unsurprisingly, Himchan didn’t address him when he walked in. He didn’t try to be gentle either, making Youngjae yelp by merely lifting his shirt.

Himchan couldn’t have known why Youngjae was crying but he didn’t really seem to care either.

And maybe he was so careless because subconsciously he wanted to hurt Youngjae in order to get back at him.

But the pain wasn’t why Youngjae was all over the place. He didn’t even mind it that much, he knew that Himchan was angry and he knew why.

He cried the entire time Himchan was redoing his stitches, annoying the elder by the tiny jolts the rise and fall of his chest created with each sob that ripped through his lungs. He truly sounded pitiful and hurt, anyone listening would know that the pain he was feeling was far beyond physical.

“ _I’m sorry_ ,” Youngjae uttered in a strained breath, pressing his palms to his face. “ _I’m so sorry_ ,” with no specification of what he was apologizing for, nor expecting to be forgiven. In that moment it didn’t really matter, Youngjae was sorry about _everything_.

And even though he didn’t expect to be forgiven, even though Himchan wordlessly standing up to leave once he was finished was more than expected, Youngjae just couldn’t let himself be alone. He was most terrified of it.

Given the fact that Youngjae’s vision was so blurry that he couldn’t see, he found Himchan’s hand with surprising ease. He held on as if his life depended on it.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t even look at Himchan, he just sobbed, his entire body shaking and it disturbed Himchan deeply that he could feel each jolt of Youngjae’s.

Perhaps it was pity, but whatever it was, Himchan didn’t have it in him to leave. He dropped his bag and sat back down on the edge of the bed. One hand still holding Youngjae’s, Himchan reached out with his other to pry Youngjae’s own from where he was grasping his own hair.

“Stop that, you’re hurting yourself,” quiet and unsure, trying to keep a cool facade but ultimately failing because of the worry that seeped into his tone.

Not that Youngjae heard him anyway, too immersed into his own misery.

Himchan was holding both his hands securely, trying to think of anything else to do to help. In the end he couldn’t think of anything but to hold him.

* * *

His sleep was restless and more exhausting than anything. Once awake, Youngjae only felt more tired than ever, but at least his head was a tiny bit clearer.

He knew it wasn’t over. Not until he said it, out loud, either alone or to someone else, but as of now it wasn’t over.

He was simply too tired to deal with it all, with his emotions, with his thoughts and all the truths.

Lying motionlessly in his bed, (he didn’t want to move an inch, the sheets and the clothes he was wearing felt gross from the previous day) the noises from outside finally started to reach him. It was the sound of an engine, objects being moved and voices, many voices.

Youngjae slowly sat up, winced at the stabbing pain in his shoulder, but he stood nonetheless.

He went to the door, surprised to find it unlocked. For a second he stood in the doorway, puzzled, before giving up on trying to figure out why it was so, and stepped outside. He squinted in the bright, natural light that was filling the hallway. It was empty, but Youngjae could hear the voices from downstairs.

He trotted down the stairs, the shirt Himchan had helped him get into and he’d slept in hanging off of his bandaged shoulder, the laces of his pyjama bottoms dangling aimlessly.

When he reached the bottom floor, he wasn’t sure what he’d walked in on. The entire living room had been completely cleared out; no furniture, no decorations, nothing. It was devoid of people too, with only Jongup and Daehyun standing in the middle of the eerie emptiness, talking in hushed voices.

The two people he least wanted to see right now.

Aside from Yongguk.

They, of course, went quiet when they noticed him standing. Both of them gave Youngjae a look, trying to determine how much he’d heard, but the truth was that he’d been zoning out, trying to make sense of what he was seeing, so he had heard absolutely nothing.

Daehyun and Jongup soon realized this and stopped worrying, although Jongup did keep glaring at him.

“Good morning, Jae,” Daehyun hummed. He seemed to be in a good mood again, pretending if nothing had happened the previous day.

It annoyed Youngjae. Nothing was alright and he had the nerve to act as if it were.

When Daehyun approached with that stupid grin of his, Youngjae stepped back, nearly tripping over the stairs.

Ironically, it was Daehyun who caught him, taking him by the arm to steady him.

The elder leaned in, “You might want to consider some thankfulness.”

“What for?” Youngjae hissed, trying to free his arm, but the tugging caused far too much pain so his attempts were unsuccessful.

“You’ll see. Just try not to be such an asshole,” Daehyun whispered and immediately as he leaned back, his smile was back. He turned to look at the blue haired man now standing alone. “We’ll talk later, okay?” He said reassuringly.

Jongup gave a sharp nod and, with one last glare Youngjae’s way, walked outside.

“And you,” Daehyun continued, “Need to eat.” He said this and started leading Youngjae to the kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Youngjae questioned as they stepped through the door.

To his _utmost delight,_ all the people who currently hated his guts were there, of course. Himchan, Yongguk and Junhong, who Youngjae hoped at least didn’t hate him as much as the others in the room.

“Moving day,” Daehyun announced, sitting Youngjae down at the table.

Himchan was sat at the other side, typing hastily on his laptop and not sparing Youngjae a single glance.

Well, at least he’d gotten better at pretending that he didn’t care.

“Moving day?” Youngjae echoed, following Daehyun with his gaze as he walked around to stand beside Junhong at the counter.

Surprisingly, it was Yongguk who offered an explanation, “We’re relocating.”

He was sitting on the counter with his legs rested on one of the chairs that had clearly been pulled away from the table specifically for that purpose. He was scrolling on his phone, munching on some toast.

What a prick.

He went on, “Since you’d run off to chat up your friends and we don’t know how much you’d revealed. And besides, this location had become compromised long ago,” he added.

“Smart. Smart move.” Youngjae wasn’t going to tell them that he did not, in fact, reveal their location. Not this one anyway. Stupid of him, yes, no need to remind him.

Junhong was the one to bring him food, as he always did, but Youngjae had to admit he was glad to finally escape every lazy person’s paradise of eating in the bedroom every day. He felt more civilized this way.

“So where are we going?” He prompted. The gang at least seemed a bit chattier than usual that morning, so he was hoping to get some answers.

“Farther out of town,” Daehyun hummed, sitting down next to Youngjae. “The smartest decision would be to leave Dobong-gu altogether, but that requires negotiations with surrounding gangs. And... Ironically, this is currently the safest region.”

“Don’t tell me Jackson’s harassing other factions,” Youngjae asked, faking interest.

“He is,” Junhong said calmly. “Everyone but us, it seems.”

“Right,” Youngjae said, now more focused on his food. “I think you guys are in for something big. It’s no coincidence that he’s only leaving you alone,” he said, voice muffled as his mouth was full.

“The worst part is that you’re probably right,” Yongguk said grimly.

With a sigh, Daehyun pulled out his pack of cigarettes. Youngjae watched him light one up, waiting for the elder to notice his clear annoyance.

“I’m _eating_ ,” he said once he got Daehyun’s attention.

“My bad,” he said, but made no effort to move.

Youngjae snapped his gaze up to Yongguk, who too was unbothered. “You allow this?”

Yongguk put his phone down and, after such a long time of ignoring him, looked at Youngjae. Never breaking eye contact, took out his lighter, took a cigarette from Daehyun and lit it. And after all that, he had the audacity to blow the smoke Youngjae’s way.

There was a time when he’d found that hot.

Now was not that time.

“ _Fucking addicts_ ,” Youngjae hissed. “At least you’ll die faster.”

“Speaking of your entitlement,” Yongguk hummed.

“My _what_ now? Who said anything about—”

“I’m already considering changing my mind about that decision we made while you were passed out yesterday.”

Youngjae placed his toast down, frowning at Yongguk. “What decision?”

“The decision to let you out of your room in the new house,” he said.

Youngjae raised his eyebrows, pleasantly surprised. That was... Far too liberal for them. He felt like it was a trap, but then again Yongguk was already considering revoking that privilege, so it wasn’t that unbelievable.

He only said, “Yay me,” because he wasn’t going to play their game. He knew very well that he was in their mercy, but he was not going to act so.

“Don’t celebrate early, you’re already getting on my nerves,” Yongguk said, puffing out a cloud of smoke.

Daehyun shifted, wrapped his arm around Youngjae’s shoulders. When he felt the younger wince, Daehyun only held him tighter.

“Come on, don’t be so hard on him. Youngjae is always equally annoying and no amount of generosity on our part will change that,” he said, lifting his free hand to ruffle Youngjae’s hair. “Isn’t that right?”

Youngjae wanted more than anything to punch him in the face and make him stop touching him, but he knew that getting worked up now wouldn’t help one bit.

“I meant what I said, hyung,” Daehyun continued, now looking up at Yongguk. “He’s a nuisance, but it’ll be better off that way.”

Youngjae glanced to the side, trying to decipher Daehyun’s expression through the smoke. He seemed to have been attempting non-verbal communication with Yongguk, but to no avail since the elder wasn’t looking at him.

Yongguk kicked the chair away and got off the counter. He hooked his thumb to his pocket and leaned over to put out his cigarette in the ashtray that was on the table. He shrugged, leaned back and tilted his head. The way he was looking at Youngjae made him extremely uncomfortable.

“As long as he stays out of my way,” Yongguk said. “—and out of the kitchen, I don’t care what he does.”

“Wait, why the kitchen?” Youngjae asked, whipping his gaze around at Daehyun and Junhong, trying to figure out if it was a tasteless joke at his expense.

It didn’t seem so, they weren’t snickering or similar.

“Knives,” Yongguk said simply. “Sure you suck at close combat, but any moron can figure out how to stab someone’s eye out with a butter knife.”

Youngjae threw a glance at one such knife that was laid on the table not far from him. He raised his eyebrows at Yongguk. “That’s not such a bad idea, actually. If I’d known that trick back at the academy, I could have avoided all the training.”

“Don’t try to scare me, Youngjae. Your training has never saved you, I have.”

Junhong immediately reached under the table to grab Youngjae’s hand before he got the chance to do anything stupid. On his other side Daehyun was still holding him around the shoulders, with the same goal.

“I want everyone out by eleven. We’ve waited enough,” the leader then said and strolled out. Soon after Himchan slammed his laptop shut and walked out after him.

When the two were gone, Youngjae yanked his hand from Junhong’s and shoved Daehyun away.

“How in the everloving fuck did you two manage to convince the three people who hate me the most at the moment to let me out of my room?”

“It was me,” Daehyun said. “So you can at least try to be less of a dick.”

Youngjae crossed his arms, having left his food. He had gotten sick and didn’t  feel like finishing it anymore. “What did you tell them?”

Daehyun sighed, also putting out his cigarette and leaving it in the ashtray. “You saved my life. You’re cooperating. I have reasons to believe you won’t make any trouble if you’re let outside.” He paused. “I know you’ll laugh in my face for this, but I actually care about your wellbeing. Junhongie was worried about you too. We both know you’re not doing well.”

Youngjae dug his nails into his arm as he listened to this – he couldn’t accept it as the truth. “Oh, piss off. You only need me sane enough to do your research for you.”

Junhong wanted to reach for Youngjae again, but in the last second realized that it was probably a bad idea so he pulled back. “ _I_ care about you, I really do. I was the only one against even bringing you into all of this. I _hate_ what Yongguk-hyung is doing to you just because he’s angry—”

“Junhong,” Daehyun warned, looking at him under the brow.

The younger returned a look just as intense. Then he looked back at Youngjae, gaze softening. “You do trust me, right?” He asked, shakily.

Youngjae wanted more than anything to curl up and disappear, but he kept his posture open, at least trying to appear confident. “I thought you were supposed to stay away from me. I thought I couldn’t be trusted,” he spat.

Junhong bowed his head, fumbling with the rips on his jeans. “You were right. I _am_ an easy target. I couldn’t just start hating you, I couldn’t...”

“That’s enough,” Daehyun said, standing up. He stood by Junhong’s chair, appearing between him and Youngjae. “But he’s right to an extent. You need to accept that, at least when it comes to Junhong and me, we actually support your best interest. So just tone it down a bit, _please._ ”

Youngjae stayed in his spot, arms crossed and sulking like a child. Still staring ahead, he asked,

“You moved out of your own places too, right?”

Daehyun sighed, shaking his head. “Yeah. I mean, we had to. Himchan had handled it all while the rest of us were still locked up.”

“So I’ll have to see Jongup a lot,” Youngjae mumbled more as a statement than a question.

“Yeah,” Junhong said and he sounded just as exhausted about it as Youngjae.

He wanted to ask about it, but figured it wasn’t the right time.

Instead he asked, “Even the house?”

Daehyun paused, exchanging looks with Junhong. “Yeah...” was his cautious answer.

“He loved that house,” Youngjae mumbled.

He was slipping away again, lost somewhere in the time when Yongguk had first taken him to his getaway. The lone little house on a hill that he’d kept for himself, for when he needed some time alone. He didn’t bring anyone there, and even when he offered it as shelter to those who need it, it wasn’t the same as when he’d brought Youngjae there.

 _“You’re the only one I want to share this with,”_ he'd said.

Youngjae jolted when he felt Daehyun’s hand on his shoulder. He blinked and was met with his and Junhong’s worried looks.

“I’m fine,” he said quickly and checked the nearest clock. “It’s almost eleven. Yongguk gave clear orders. I haven’t even packed yet!” Youngjae exclaimed dramatically to lighten the mood, regardless of the fact that he didn’t even have any possessions to pack.

It was as if everything from his old life had been left behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come scream at me on twitter (@VaiShouldShut up or @gothbftaeil or @voguemodelbbang)


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